Our oil was safe. Safe and cheap. Yep!

So everyone is still talking about the potential damage the big oil spill can cause.  And the current damage it has caused.  And how we need to give the fishermen of Louisiana money.  And now Florida is getting in on the act and I’m sick of it.  According to some website I found:

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico 2010 is drawing closer to the Loop Current. Reuters reports that scientists say once the BP oil leak is in the loop, it could reach the Florida Keys in 10 days.

10 days.  Ten.  X days.

If you gave me 10 days notice, I could probably learn enough Russian to trick a customs official or figure out how to pan for gold.  Or I could get the Army and Navy together to figure out how to keep a giant oil slick that everyone has known about for a fucking month away from your important coastline.  I mean, it isn’t like we have an entire branch of the military designed to do nothing but guard the coast?

What’s that?

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just been handed a note that tells me that in fact there IS a “Coast Guard”.  Apparently the ideas of setting up giant fans to blow the oil to Mexico or hire manatees with brooms (which I said like, three weeks ago) are not being considered.  And the alternative ideas are apparently: nothing followed closely by complaining.  Seems like if people are so worried about their precious reef, they ought to be building a fence around it.  What’s that you say?  There’s no time?

There’s 10 days.  Assholes.  Build some kind of fence.