Here’s another way to make me barf: ankle injuries. 

Acadia Einstein

So I’m watching the San Antonio / Golden State game and in the 3rd quarter, San Antonio star Kawhi Leonard turned his ankle not once but twice and had to come out of the game. 

Now, the story most people will be talking about is how the Warriors came back from 20+ points down to win it as soon as Leonard left the floor. 

But for me, it was how I was such a brave boy and watched the replays of the ankle turning. Granted they are not horrifying like Joe Theissman’s leg breaking *barfs* but they are a special kind of horror for me. 

I have a rare condition known as: “queer ankles”. Regardless of what kind of shape I’m in or how young I was *cries because I’m old* my ankles would roll over like a newborn’s head at the slightest provocation. It’s a nightmare. 

I could pull my foot out of the socket when I was younger. Not sure why I did it but I could do it. And I sprained my ankle all the time. Here are some of the ways I did it:

  • Playing basketball ???? 
  • Playing football ???? 
  • Swimming ????. No joke. I sprained my ankle on the bottom of a pool stepping on someone’s foot. 
  • Giving a hot girl I was flirting with a piggyback. We were racing some other couples and I was jazzed that she wanted to be partners with me. Then my ankle rolled and I dumped her on the grass. Oh, yeah, I should mention, it was a beautiful, flat, well kept lawn. 
  • In a Foot Locker. Last pair of Nikes I ever tried on. Took one step and over it went. 

That’s a partial list, but you get the idea. So when Kawhi did it I was scared to look. See all those little sprains sometimes were minor enough to walk off. Some would set me limping for a week or so. Some would turn my foot and leg gold and purple (my high school colors!) and eventually black. 

But one time when I was playing a pickup game during a free period someone stepped on the inside of my foot when I was coming down with a rebound.  My foot spun all the way backwards and upside down so when I was on the ground on my back I was looking at the bottom of my foot with the toes pointing…at…the…ground.  🙁  It still makes me barf to think about it.

So yeah, I didn’t look up any images for ankle injuries because I can feel it still.  And I saw how little Kawhi’s ankle actually turned but I knew how much it hurt so give him a break.  It’s not his fault the team collapsed without him.

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....


  1. Martin Conterez
    May 15, 2017 at 9:34 am

    Still have my walking boot from my busted foot injury. Sweet memories.

  2. Cider
    May 16, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    I also hate injury videos and they make me freak out.

  3. Bigscrod wants cake
    May 16, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    I had a friend who tore ligaments in his knee while getting down from the risers in chorus. Twelve weeks of crutches and repeatedly explaining the lamest way to injure yourself.

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