Hipsters Continue to Ruin America



Dear hipsters:

Nobody wants your retro bike locks i.e. shoelaces to lock their bikes up with.

A five year old could liberate my bike if I actually used this ridiculous product. Here are things I am pretty sure you could use to hack this lock:

  1. random rusty knife
  2. pair of scissors
  3. with enough time, your own fingernails

In case you think I’m joking, no, I’m not. This is a real product. I scrutinized the description to see if maybe there was a chain or cable inside, but it’s described as just made out of cloth. So, thanks, hipsters and millenials and whoever else is dumb enough to think a piece of rope is a good way to secure your bikes. I hate you. You’re the actual worst.

I'm the President of Not Helping Acadia at this site, as well as Editor-in-Chief because none of these monkeys whacking on keyboards can spell. My username has now been explained, you're welcome. If you don't like me I don't care. Become a writer for the site and post your own garbage then, you plebe.


  1. Acadia Einstein
    August 26, 2016 at 6:42 am

    Maybe we want to live in a world where the only people who steal bikes are stupid, stupid people!

    • Cider
      August 26, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      But you don’t live in that world, friend.

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