Dear hipsters:

Nobody wants your retro bike locks i.e. shoelaces to lock their bikes up with.

A five year old could liberate my bike if I actually used this ridiculous product. Here are things I am pretty sure you could use to hack this lock:

  1. random rusty knife
  2. pair of scissors
  3. with enough time, your own fingernails

In case you think I’m joking, no, I’m not. This is a real product. I scrutinized the description to see if maybe there was a chain or cable inside, but it’s described as just made out of cloth. So, thanks, hipsters and millenials and whoever else is dumb enough to think a piece of rope is a good way to secure your bikes. I hate you. You’re the actual worst.