Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.”
― Groucho Marx
There’s a nudist resort in New Hampshire that we used to drive by when I was a kid. I used to wonder what went on in there. This was a seventies style nudist camp not one of the exclusive clothing optional resorts where everyone is guaranteed to be under thirty and gorgeous. I think those places might be closer to my fevered imaginings than the algae filled pond and volley ball nets that were undoubtedly what the place in Nottingham was like at the time.
The last time I went to a nude beach in British Columbia I got terribly sunburnt. I’m the kind of guy who puts on a bathrobe to answer the phone. Sheesh what was I doing out on a nude beach with that blazing white skin that’s the heritage of the Gaels? Well the honest truth was I wanted to paint a seascape with the snowcapped peaks of the Olympic Mountains in the background. I didn’t realize it was a nude beach until a rainbow coalition of college women strolled by. I felt like that guy from Aqualung till I took my shorts off. It’s still one of the best paintings I’ve ever done and my god that Japanese girl was gorgeous.
I guess the point is that when it’s hot like this maybe we should all just shuck our clothes. It all gets normal amazingly fast even with coeds that could have graced the pages of Playboy. There are problems though that we’ll have to solve. No bikinis would disappoint Acadia Einstein for one thing. Realizing that clothes are there for a purpose when retrieving the volleyball from the pucker brush is another. Cooking bacon is just totally not acceptable for much the same reason. Lack of pockets and the painful breast sunburn too. None of this stops people from going Au Naturel.
“A thorough inspection of the birthday suit revealed a number of holes.”
― Les Coleman
Another problem is the dammed fully clothed streakers that keep plaguing the Nude Rugby International in Dunedin, New Zealand. Every year two teams of seven go Full Monty for one of the roughest sports ever invented. Is holding a penalty in Rugby? It’s a celebration of New Zealand’s national nude day. You’d think it would be held in warmer weather so it’s not so embarrassing to the guys but maybe that’s the solution to the holding issues.
If you’re not up for slamming into beefy men while naked there’s an eccentric tradition at Oxford. Starting in 2009 some students began to strip off in the library for the Half-Naked Half-Hour. High-profile visitors including heads of state are given tours of the library only to encounter naked students reading. Such a thing could jeopardize world peace! The worst thing, because they are very English at Oxford, was that they didn’t have the permission of the librarian.
One of my favorite nudists in jeopardy are the naked bike rides where hordes of people ride through Portland or Philadelphia to promote bicycling and cleaner air. One of my friends recently went on the World Naked Bike Ride in Portland (Link contains naked people without black censor bars) It was endlessly amusing to listen to the debate about whether to trim or not to trim on the days leading up. The only thing that gets me is how dangerous it would be to fall off a bike while naked. The potential for road rash in sensitive areas causes me to shudder.
Kylie Minor, from Lakeside Shopping Centre said: “We loved seeing all our luscious ladies looking gorgeous in their underwear and heels and I’m sure they all enjoyed choosing an outfit from our wide range of new spring fashion in the stores afterwards.”
In the where did they carry their wallet? Department. One shopping mall had £100 gift vouchers for the first 100 women to turn up in nothing but bra, panties and high heels. I’m not sure but I feel left out on the opportunity to win a £100 gift vouchers. I might manage the bra and panties but I’ve never figured out how or why women suffer high heels
People need to keep their clothes on. Or stay inside. Inside is probably best.