According to the news, Van Halen (the real Van Halen, Sammy Hagar can go f*** himself) is going on tour.  Now, the odds of this going all the way through to the end are about as high as the odds that John Lennon is going to come back from the dead and play a show with Ke$ha, but that’s not the point.

The point is that these fools cannot keep their shit together long enough to figure out where the tour will even play.  Think back to 1996 when David Lee Roth walked on stage with Eddie, Alex and Michael and everyone was like: zomg Van Halen!  They started fighting when they got off the stage and that was that.

Now fast forward to 1998 when they made their last album.  Now, I might hate Sammy Hagar but I will give Van Halen this:  They are one of only two bands who had equal success after replacing the lead singer (who is the other?  Tell me in the comments!).  But it has been 13 years since they made an album.  even if they had thought of one song every six months they could have had an album by now.  Hell, I could probably come up with an album if you gave me 13 years.

Oh, and they also were going to have a tour in 2007, too.  But they didn’t.  And now they don’t even have Michael Anthony.  They replaced him with one of their kids or something.  So it is three Van Halens against David Lee Roth which means it probably won’t last until groundhog day.  But maybe it will.  And if it does, I have some questions for you.

  1. Will you go?
  2. If so, how far will you travel?
  3. If you are there, will you throw a padlock at them if they try to play something from after 1985?

My answers are: 1: Yes, 2: 300 miles and 3: ohhh yes.  And why?  Because the song below is “Dance the Night Away”.  Listen to how awesome it is.  Go ahead.  Listen!  And if the stupid geezers can keep from killing each other long enough to play a few shows it will all be worth it.  And not for nothing, the odds that they will get into a fistfight on stage are pretty high.  And can you afford to not be at that show?  Come on.  Jump!