Hello, I am your local ghost. You may or may not know me but you will be able to contact me via the local WhitePages™ under “G”. But please, I don’t accept reverse charges, I can’t, I haven’t got any pockets to put cash in to pay the bills and I don’t like PayPal. But, I am a friendly ghost and once I figure out how to carry things I will accept reverse call charges and give candy out on the darkest of street corners or in parks. Humans love candy!

Services I can provide upon mutual agreement by telephone are numerous. Table cloth moving, creaking door sounds, windows slamming shut, floating lights, randomly opening and shutting doors and scaring cats and dogs, I am more than capable of. However, I only work the night shift and I won’t do day shift; the Local 127, Ghosts and Wizards Amalgamated Union is pretty tough about these things.

File Photo: Me moving a dirty tablecloth. All part of the service!

File Photo: Natalie Portman attempting to be a ghost. She is not a ghost. Don’t call her for your local ghost needs.