It’s summertime, and that means it is time for idiot summer TV. And we have a nice match-up this summer, with stand-by Big Brother from CBS going up against the new I Love Money on VH1. Now, it is not like they are both on at the same time or anything – so it is really a competition regarding which one is more stupid. Let’s break it down.

Big Brother

  • Prize is 500k – not chicken feed – but you have to spend like, 14 months in the house to get it, so they earn it.
  • People seem to play as if they have never watched the show before. This gets frustrating, but it is amusing. People on reality shows: If you are on the bottom of your alliance, switch sides when it gets down to 7 or 5. There is no breaking of this rule. Dummies.
  • The Challenges where they have to answer questions annoy me. I want people to get hurt, and nobody gets hurt turning a card over.
  • Julie Chen’s face is made of wood. Petrified wood.
  • The After Dark on Showtime is the most boring thing you will ever see in your life.
  • The cast is always supposed to be ‘diverse’ which usually means one of two black people and one or two older people. Sometimes there is an Asian. But not usually. So when Tiger Woods gets old – he will probably be cast right away so the rest of the people can be hot young whiteys.
  • It’s on three nights a week – or five, it’s ALWAYS on.
  • People have to eat slop.

I Love Money

  • The prize is $250 k. That’s not a lot, but these people get to drink all day in Mexico, so fuck ’em.
  • The whole cast is filled with rejects from other VH1 shows I didn’t watch. But one of them is a Jewish guy named White Boy and another is some girl named Toastee who got rejected by Flavor Flav for doing porn. That’s gold.
  • So far they got rid if a drunk midget and a Dominatrix. That’s who they got RID of.
  • The first challenge was people hitting each other with flowers tied to sticks on a bed hanging over a lake. And two of the dudes who fought almost fainted after a minute, and they then showed a montage of them smoking. Good stuff.
  • They are always drunk.

Ok – so I see that I may have written this to try to sway you to I Love Money. But it isn’t true. I want to know which one YOU watch or would watch. And consider the fact that I was going to include The Next Food Network Star (go squinty lady and bald dude!)