In Iceland, there is only one pair of pants for every two girls, and all the girls have buttsecks. With each other.

Hey!  You know how that volcano in Iceland messed everything up?  Well that’s not the only thing that’s messed up about Iceland. And by messed up, I mean sort of cool.  But mostly messed up (coolly).  So you can check all these facts yourself if you want.  I don’t care.  They are true.  When have I ever lied to you?  I have been there a bunch of times and everything I am going to tell you is stuff I learned/was told when I was there.  Then after that, Volcano Pictures!  Whoo!

  • Iceland is not Icy usually.  It was named that way to trick people into not coming there (which is also why Greenland is called Greenland).
  • The capital, Reykjavik, has very little in the way of historical monuments despite the city’s age.  This is because it is frequently demolished by earthquakes and volcanoes.
  • They pay pretty much zero for energy cause the whole country is a volcano with a glacier on the top of it.  The geothermal energy is so plentiful that they pipe hot water under their driveways and walkways to they don’t have to shovel them when it snows.
  • There are to few people that there is no stigma over being an unwed mother.  There are not real last names in Iceland.  Say your name is Harry and your parents names are Janis and John.  You can be Harry Janisson or Harry Johnsson.  If your a girl named Susie, you would be Susie Janisdottir or Susie Johnsdottir.
  • The phone books go by first name.
  • The largest free standing glacier in the world is in Iceland.
  • It is fucking ridiculously expensive in Iceland.  I drank a lot when I was there and one night I was sitting in a bar and ordering beers for whatever they cost in Iceland money.  Then I did some math and realized I was paying NINE FIFTY a beer in actual money.
  • I bet their bankrupt asses wish I were there now.
  • People get dressed up to go out.  I mean even schlubs like you would be wearing nice dresses (girls) and suits (guys).  It’s the best.  You get as drunk and sloppy as you would wearing shorts and flip flops, but you look good.
  • I met Magnus ver Magnusson, the world’s strongest man, in a bar at 1:00am
  • I saw Magnus ver Magnusson 3 hours later yelling into a cell phone and projectile vomiting in the middle of the street.
  • One of their delicacies is rancid shark meat that they bury in the ground, dig up later and then eat.  I believe this contributes to the dearth of Icelandic restaurants in the US.
  • They have a kind of alcohol called Brennavin, which in Icelandic means “Black Death”.  It’s named correctly.  Imagine drinking Nyquil Schnapps while someone grates your genitals with a broken bottle.  Or just imagine a really strong shot that is really cold and then burns like eternity.

That’s all I can remember.  Anyone wants to fight me about it, remember that I know Magnus ver Magnusson.  VOLCANO PICS!!!!!!!!