OK, so today some little kid in a school told Michelle Obama that her mother “didn’t have any papers”.  And the First Lady, sworn to uphold the law, sent the Secret Service to the little girl’s house and deported her mom.  Wait.  No.  Just kidding.  She gave some sort of “WTF!  I was supposed to be talking about fat kids!” answer.  And I don’t blame her.  How the fuck do you respond to that?  Here are some inappropriate ways.  I leave it to you people to decide cause nobody ever likes my political ideas.

Things Michelle Obama could have said to the poor little worried kid.

  • There are five million kids like you, whose parents are illegal.  But since you were born here, you’re American.  If we make your parents citizens, then we are rewarding fucking and that does not seem right.
  • If we deport your parents, wtf do we do with you?  I don’t know!  I’m not CONGRESS!
  • Come to think of it…you are in school.  What are you complaining about?  It’s not like you’re hiding in an attic.
  • I’m not answering you because you are skinny.  This is about fat kids.
  • Our only plan to find illegal aliens is to storm every restaurant kitchen sink, lettuce field and…sidewalk in front of Home Depot in America.
  • The President of Mexico better STFU and get to work on making a country that people want to STAY in.

So – immigration, like most things, is complicated.  I personally think it would be funny if we sent all the immigrants to one state.  Alaska has the lowest population density, so send them all there.  They can be trappers or gold miners or governor or whatever.  Then I also think it would be funny if we just took 20 million other random people, citizens, and send them to Mexico.  We could even take volunteers.  I mean, not in the town where all the drug wars are (Miami) but in the cool parts.

Or we can bitch about things until someone decides to give everyone another do-over and offer everyone citizenship.  All they have to do is go to the Post Office and get fingerprinted and then they can be American citizens.  Then we immediately put them in the Army and make them go find Osama Bin Laden.  You figure if we have 20 million people in our Army we will win for sure.  Yep.  Solid plan.  Way better than the manatee oil plan.