Go read a book you illiterate son of a bitch and step up your vocab. Don't be surprised if your hoe steps out wit' me And you see us coming down on yo' slab. Livin' ghetto fabulous, so mad, you just can't take it. But nigga if you hate now, then you wait while I get your bitch butt naked.
No, not the good kind of Internet Whore. Like Caramel up there. I mean the bad kind. The kind that writes posts about how they just ‘happened’ to get turned on to ‘zazz!’ mouthwash and OMG how awesome is that! I hate to say it, but not everything you read on the Internet is self-indulgent crap. Some of it is for money! And the FTC has decided that it needs to be clamped down on. The Snooty NY Times Says:
Beginning today, bloggers, Twitterers and others who write online reviews or endorse products using new media must disclose it when they receive free merchandise or payment for writing about an item.
I have two questions on this. The first is how come nobody ever offered me money to talk about Zazz!? I would have poured that crap into my eyes for a C-Note. But I guess it’s too late now, which leads me to my second question: Does this mean the Internet will be different? Like, how are they gonna catch EVERYONE? Will we have to declare war on the Phillipines?
Will the relative popularity of the site doing the whoring matter? I would love to see Perez Hilton get sent to Oz so Adebisi could draw funny cum drools on Perez’s face. Except not fake. And then staple his lips to a trash can or something. But I digress.
The number one thing about all this is that I am volunteering to be the guinea pig for the whole thing. You all send me a bunch of free shit and money to write about things and then I will see if the FTC catches me. If they do, I will go on a hunger strike and become a hero to 10’s of people. Fight the Power! And if you really make money off of that sort of thing – screw you for not getting me turned onto it and watch out for the heat!
I like whores. I want free stuff. I want money for writing about stuff. I want to invade the Phillipines. Three of those four statements are true. Can you guess which ones?