me: KAIF!
hows it going.
is that Kaif, with a K or a C sound?
there is a subtle difference.
not many people recognize.
but I have the skills and am sensitive to the plight of.
like chinese hamsters
they are very oppressed
when you consider the whole of the hamster kingdom
i hear that their internets are blocked
cant get much of anything involving the “nudes”

Sent at 8:58 PM on Thursday

me: PLEASE SHOW U FEET!

Sent at 8:58 PM on Thursday

me: i think that it would be nice to have a hamster roasted on a stick for dinner
i was telling my friend the other night
friend, i said
we should travel to go and find some real hamsters in the wild
did you know they exist outside of pet stores?
f*cking amazing.
i would have never imagined.
always thought they were some lab experiment gone wrong
i mean, look at them
they are cute
but very vicious
trained killers
like that didn’t work out so well for the CIA
so, f*ck it
we will recoup our losses
and sell them to people as pets
even if you are kind to them they bite you
and those wheels
wtf is that
why does a hamster get one and not me
looks like fun.
like i said
i would like to travel to eat one
just because they are bastards
they would fit nicely bunched up 3-4 on a stick
to roast over a camp fire
i think probably a serving would consist of 3 or 3.5 of them though

me: that seems like the right proportion of meat for a 135-175lb person.
bones are probably small enough you wouldn’t have to worry about that so much
just chomp chomp chomp away
and since they would be fresh
from me having recently caught them
i wouldn’t have to use that meat thermometer
to see if they are cooked enough
which i am convinced doesn’t work any way
so i eat everything pretty much burnt to a crisp just to be sure
my chicken tastes like my beef
my beef probably tastes like my hamster

Sent at 9:04 PM on Thursday

me: PLEASE SHOW U FEET

Sent at 9:04 PM on Thursday

me: nevermind.
china is far away.
i think i will just have some eggs.