I would rather get in this van than listen to that unicorn anymore.
Thanks to Leonidas for creeping around stores and finding the most disconcerting thing I’ve seen since I gave up LARPing. I want to point a couple things out on this, then I’ll let it speak for itself.
- It’s a pocket unicorn. All of a sudden my pocket unicorn is not looking so bad, is it?
- It says on the package: “Use for happiness”.
- It says on the package: “Use for happiness”.
- The unicorn says that if you’re sad you will make it cry.
- It says on the package: “Use for happiness”.
OK, so then I assume this is for like, little kids. But then I realized that for little kids, it might be sort of complicated. I mean, if you look closely down on the left it says it is “removable”. From what? The package? Why do you need to point that out? Why would you want to keep it in the package?
Why would you want to keep the “Pocket Unicorn” that specifically orders you to “Use for happiness” in the plastic wrapper? Seems silly to me.
I guess if this were TV news I would be putting my hand up to my head as some producer chatters frantically in my ear explaining how stupid I am. But I don’t have that, so my question stands. Please help me. If you can’t explain it, help me kill it. Please?
That thing is awesome. I must have one. You know, for happiness.
Cornmeal deserves happiness! I, on the other hand, would make the unicorn cry.
why?
……………it’s harmless, folks.
Right: this is not a Real Unicorn. As everybody except everybody here knows, Real Unicorns cannot talk. And they certainly do not like being ‘pressed’, in fact, they are dry clean only. Which is why I would never buy a Unicorn: dry clean only? In White? Bankrupt within three weeks…..
Um, that’s pretty freaky, because we all know that, not only do unicorns not talk, but they sure as hell would not be advertising that they actually exist. Come on…Voldemort is still around, people, and he drinks their silvery blood. They aren’t stupid enough to go pimping themselves at least until AFTER part 2 of the Deathly Hallows!
Susan and Heather are scaring me now.
Why am I scaring you? Just because I know the lore of the unicorn…it goes all the way back to Noah and the fact that they are stupid and drown.
Green alligators and long-necked geese
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you’re born
You’re never gonna see no unicorn!
Rock on, Shel Silverstein!
Did you quote the Irish Rovers? Holy shit. What’s next, Hee Haw? You need to become a regular.
You asked for it….about as close as I can get.
Hey Grandpa, what’s for dinner?
We’re having fried unicorn so crisp and hot
With taters and gravy and make sure to take a lot
There’s green beans and fatback and biscuits with butter
And cold cold milk straight from the udder
And for dessert get ya some pie
There’s sweet tater, apple and, of course, shoofly
Hee Haw salutes Headshot Heather’s home town: Acadia’s Good Graces. Population: 1
SAAAAAALUTE.
Technically, she quoted Shel Silverstein since he wrote it and the Irish Rovers recorded it. Hoohrah
Okay, I’m sorry but I have to have this. I’m pertty sure I’m going to be afraid of it but I also feel I’m going to put it in my purse because I wear tight clothing and I’m going to bring it out to bars with me. Where do I get it?
Some say it can be found in Hell. Others in…Target.
*bows* Thank you
Unicorns are horny, STD carrying bastards. It would be completely irresponsible to encourage young children to use one without the protective packaging.
And if you decide to kill it, don’t eat the meat. They carry the prions that cause Mad Faerie disease. It’s all fun and orgasm inducing unicorn steaks now, but in 10 years, WHAM! You’ll be running for Governor of California in a hemp thong and Birkenstock flip flops. And NOBODY wants that. Well, nobody that counts, anyway.
http://www.shirt-fight.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/creepy-white-van-rentals-for-all-your-criminal-needs.jpg
Protip: By removing the carpet and rhino-izing the back of your van, not only will you cut down on pesky evidence, you’ll find cleanup to be fast and almost effortless.
This is true, but I didn’t want to make Acadia look bad on his own site.