Look off into the distance, Kim...pretend you're all alone with the football.  Yes, like that.

Look off into the distance, Kim...pretend you're all alone with the football. Yes, like that.

Kim Kardashian hired a photographer to pretend he surprised her on the beach where she was casually playing catch with a football.  Because, really, she is an easy-going, low-maintenance girl who loves the simple things life has to offer.  How do we know this is staged?  Well, there aren’t any shots of her mammoth ass and only a paid pap would avoid a chance to document its proportions, especially in a bikini.  Plus, I’m the only other person I know who would wear make-up to the beach.  But at least I don’t try to play like I’m low-maintenance.

To be fair, I’ve only ever seen her sex tape.  For all I know, her reality show is all about fund raising millions of dollars for birds with emotional distress causing them to pluck their own feathers.

That said, her sex tape made me feel embarrassed for her.  I felt it my duty as a female to take on the embarrassment that she hasn’t the sense to feel.

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Tongue