I hate Kirsten Dunst’s little wizard teeth.  I know that I’m not alone in this assessment.  I also know that the shitty people who care about Hollywood (that’s what I call the people with really popular gossip blogs) seem to really have it in for her for other reasons.  I don’t know what they are, cause nobody ever asks me to come to their fancy Hollywood parties.

But Kirsten is OK in my book now.  She can do whatever she wants.  I’ll talk to her on the phone.  I’ll say she’s pretty.  I’ll even punch people who say she isn’t.  Because of the video after the jump.  Because of how purely and wonderfully UNNECESSARY the video is.  Didn’t need to be made (but it was, by McG, who is either a famous director or a Death Row Records Happy Meal Prize) and probably was hard to get together.  Someone had to call Kirsten Dunst and ask if she wanted to dress up as an anime chick and dance around Tokyo in a remake of Turning Japanese by the Vapors.  And she had to say yes.  And fly there.  And then make the video.  How MANY things could have been done that were more constructive?  Well, so many that it would suck to count them.  So let’s count some things that would be LESS necessary and probably not as awesome.

  • Cars that could comfortably fit penguins, and that could be driven by those same penguins.
  • A sensor that you wear on your belt that rings really loud exactly 4 minutes before you are going to have explosive diarrhea.  And then counts down every thirty seconds until you have the explosive diarrhea.  And it’s never wrong.
  • Mittens that you can fill with milk, in case you want milk while you are wearing them.
  • A cereal called: filibusters
  • This whole website (wait, fuck you!)
  • A steak that tastes like lettuce.

Now see the video after the jump!  BTW – it has some background pics of anime titties in it (but no tentacles!) so i guess it is technically NSFW (sissies).

I’ve got your picture of me and you
You wrote “I love you” I wrote “me too”
I sit there staring and there’s nothing else to do
Oh it’s in color Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel And soft as clouds
I often kiss you when there’s no one else around

I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture
I’d like a million of you all round my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You’ve got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning ’round

I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so

I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture
I’d like a million of them all round my cell
I want the doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You’ve got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning ’round

I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it’s dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a cyclone ranger
That’s why I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
I’m turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so

Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
(think so think so think so)
Turning Japanese
I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so