I don’t understand Meat Loaf. He had giant hits in the 70’s, then skipped the whole 80’s, had this hit in the 90’s, skipped the 00’s and then went on The Apprentice. How long does it take this guy to get an idea? Seriously. You know how stupid parents and coaches and other doofuses tell people “You can do anything you can put your mind to?”. Well, Meat Loaf pretty much proves that’s bs. You think he spent the whole 80’s NOT trying to have a hit?
There were 3653 days in the 80’s. There are only 672 words in this song (with repeats)! That means he spent 5 days on EACH WORD? He got up on Monday, walked over to his hit writing notebook and wrote: “And”. Then thought for the next 4 days while eating Cheetos. Then he went back to the pad and wrote: “I” and then repeated the process for the next 10 years? Stupid plodding Meat Loaf.
Stop telling people they can do anything they can set their minds to. They can’t. Ask poor slow Meat Loaf and his very very weakly powered hit machine. I’m pencilling him in for 2021! Video (with that super hot chick) and lyrics after the jump.
Meat Loaf – I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)
And I would do anything for love
I’d run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love
I’ll never lie to you and that’s a fact
But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now–
Oh no–no way–
I would do anything for love
But I won’t do that
I won’t do that
Anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won’t do that
I won’t do that
Some days it don’t come easy
Some days it don’t come hard
Some days it don’t come at all
and these are the days that never end
Maybe I’m crazy
But it’s crazy and it’s true
I know you can save me
No one else can save me but you
As long as the planets are turning
As long as the stars are burning
As long as your dreams are comming true–
You better believe it!–
That I would to anything for love
And I’ll be there until the final act–
I would do anything for love!
And I’ll take a vow and seal a pact–
But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way–
Tonight–
I would do anything for love!
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won’t do that
I won’t do that…
I would do anything for love
Anything you’ve been dreaming of
But I just won’t do that…
Somedays I pray for silence
Somedays I pray for sould
Somedays I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock’N Roll
Some night I lose the feeling
Some nights I lose control
Some night I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls
Maybe I’m lonely
And that’s all I’m qualified to be
There’s just one and only
The one and only promise I can keep
As long as the wheels are turning
As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true–
You better believe it–!
That I would do anything for love!
And you know it’s true and that’s a face
I would do anything for love!
And there’ll never be no turning back–
But I’ll never do it better than I do it with you
So long–
So long–
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won’t do that
I won’t do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you’ve been dreaming of
But I won’t do that…
But I’ll never stop dreaming of you
Every night of my life–
No way–
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love
But I won’t do that
I won’t do that!
Girl:
Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you get me right out if this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?
Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!
Girl:
Will you hold me sacred?
Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I’m so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?
Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!
Girl:
Will you make me some magic
With your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?
Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!
Girl:
Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water–if I get to hot–?
Will ya take me to places I’ve never known?
Boy:
I can do that!
I can do that!
Girl:
After a while you’ll forget everything
It was a brief interlude
And a midsummer night’s fling
And you’ll see that it’s time to move on
Boy:
I won’t do that!
I won’t do that!
Dude… I hate to be a buzzkill and I know you’re only trying to be funny, but the Loaf didn’t write the song, Jim Steinman did. (Incessant repetition is one of his hallmarks.)
He also released a number of albums in the 80’s… (and the 2000’s)they just never got any air play and consequently, no hits.
Loved the chart, though…
I think the worst part is that you said I was “trying” to be funny. Also, I didn’t invent the chart…
*gets rope and step stool*
No no! Stay on the stool. I didn’t mean it that way… I should have said “I know you were being funny, but…”
And even if you didn’t make the chart, you still used it skillfully.
The albums that no one ever heard of were the ones he made when he was fighting with Jim Steinman (except for Bat Out of Hell III, where he was fighting with Jim Steinman but used his songs anyway… even the Celine Dion one).
And Rolling Stone owes you royalties or lunch: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/photos/readers-poll-the-worst-songs-of-the-nineties-20110831
There is nothing poor or slow about meat loaf. Unless you’re using really thick gravy to make it softer. Then it’s slower to digest…
Meatloaf can only produce awesome songs when he is fat. Low-fat Meatloaf has no talent. He would do anything for love, but he must be fat. On the other hand… now I have to download Rocky Horror 🙂
I saw your tweet when you published this and didn’t read it until now (dur) but the first thing I was thinking of was “Would he do anal?” because I totally wouldn’t do that.
If one tries to understand, one misses the point, which is one must just experience Mr. Loaf whenever he emerges… there is no spoon
Oh man…I better keep my mouth shut.
As usual, I’m thinking against the grain.
While his music from the 80s may not have been huge, I LOVED it. My dad was/is a huge Meat Loaf fan, so I grew up listening to him and adoring all of his music.