naughty-kid

A five year old told his teacher he’d found a cat but it was dead.  “How do you know the cat was dead?” she asked him.  “Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move,” the child answered innocently.  “You did what?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.  “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst” and it didn’t move.”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her young son into bed.  She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”  The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.  “I can’t, dear,” she said.  “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”  A long silence was broken by his shaky little voice:  “The big sissy.”

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon.  All the children were invited to cme forward.  One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress.  Is it your Easter dress?”  The little girl replied directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

When I was about six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower.  She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”  I replied, “Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”  “I know,” she replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”

One day, a first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.  She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer.  She read, “…and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said ‘The sky is falling!'”  The teacher then asked the class, “And what do you think the farmer said?”  One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said ‘Holy shit, a talking chicken!'”  The teacher was unable to teach class for the next ten minutes.