He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking.”
Then little Ralphy says, “I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”
To which Little Ralphy replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking.”
More after the jump!
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks his father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,’ and I said “6”, replies Ralphy.
“But that’s right!” says his dad.
“Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.
“That’s what I said!”
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
Ralphy says, “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Ralphy, that’s a mouthful.”
Little Ralphy says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little Ralphy was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!”
The teacher replied, ‘Now, Ralphy, that is not the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘ur-i-nate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”
Little Ralphy thinks for a bit, and then says, “You’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten!”
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”
She said, “Excellent, Michael!” Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Ralphy.
“Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'”
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little Ralphy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”
Little Ralphy replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”
The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?”
Little Ralphy answered, “No, he minded his own fucking business.”