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New Feature – Mystery Ug

Seriously – sometimes we need to just step back for a minute and stop pretending that “interesting” means pretty.  Sometimes ugly people are good actors and get parts in movies and shit.  People like Marty Feldman and Meryl Streep.  And then there are really hot people who can’t act for shit but are still awesome.  People like Jessica Alba and Jessica Rabbit and Jessica Biel and Jessica Tandy.

But there there are people who aren’t good actors and aren’t hot.  These people make no sense.  How do they get to be in movies?  If I want to see people who look like people I can see for free say things unrealistically, I will try to get the idiots in line at Wal-Mart to do a few scenes from The Spanish Prisoner.  I may do that anyway, actually.

But that said – after the jump I’ve got a hideous close up of someone who doesn’t get any better if you move closer in or farther away.  Not only is she ugly, but I think she is also a murderer.  OK, so maybe the murder thing is a crazy baseless accusation but I’ll be damned if she didn’t make a grab for my nuts one day at Wendy’s.

If you can guess who she is say so in the comments.  I’ll run this like Guess My Netflix.  Anyone who gets it right gets a point.  And go!  P.S. if everyone gets it right away, then I will give an extra point for funniest wrong guess, and next time I will make it someone’s knee or hair follicle.  Smart asses.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.


  1. Kyle

    That would be Cameron Diaz?

  2. vange

    Ernest Borgnine! I do so love that man and his dreamy blue eyes!

  3. Beth

    Cameron Diaz’s doppelgänger! Her equally as unattractive evil self.

  4. Acadia

    OK, new question, then. Can you fap to it? Vange faps to Ernest Borgnine. No shit. Like once a day.

  5. vange

    Way to out me, ack

  6. Julie From Momspective

    I wish I could comment within the comments you leave on my giveaways but I can’t because it would make the numbers off and the contract with the brand void or some shit. You make me giggle.

    • Acadia

      I know I’m getting screwed over there. I should have won like, seven things so far.

  7. Julie From Momspective

    That’s def Diaz. That’s the mouth I feel like punching from time to time, mostly when she opens it.

  8. Tershbango

    I shudder to think what I’d look like up that close since Cameron Diaz is generally considered to be a babe.

    • Acadia

      No way! She looks like a shaved Gremlin on her best day.

  9. john

    Cameron Diaz is hot and awesome.

  10. Dona

    Yeah, I think she is one of the hottest women in the world.

  11. Acadia

    Are you guys her cousins? You can tell me.

  12. Patrick

    She cant act and she is not attractive.. and yet.. she still gets roles in movies.. she must have some kind of talent..

    • sangfroid

      Casting Couch………?


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