This week’ episode of The Next Food Network Star featured the hero of our story, Nicole Gaffney, in the bottom two which made me ill.  Especially since she was up against Miss Soothing Voice (I don’t remember her real name) and Reuben, the guy named after a sandwich.  That’s a problem.

The challenge was for them to invent and cook a product in an hour (because that happens a lot) and then make a commercial set in some random location like the moon (because that happens even more) and Nicole made jam and figured out a way to tie it into her point of view and the judges loved the taste of it but….

Her commercial stunk.  She was in the old west and her first joke bombed and although I know there is a ton of editing and it probably wasn’t as bad as it looked she definitely stunk.  Her little interview things portrayed that as well.  And actually, here is the first edition of “Things I will Ask Nicole Directly In Case She Reads This Post!”

When they interview you for the one on one things, do they make you say good things and bad things about everything and everyone so they can cut it the way they want?  Like, do you have to say: “Lenny did great!” and then say “Lenny tried to kill me with his belt buckle!”?

Anyway, luckily she was up against Reuben who had sucked in a different way every week since the beginning.  This week he complained about having to sell salsa on the moon.  Who couldn’t do that?  HOW MUCH COMPETING SALSA IS THERE ON THE MOON, REUBEN?

But Nicole really dodged a bullet and she looks like she knows it.  So as her coach (I know it’s too late to actually be her coach because the frigging show is over but whatever I am doing OK so far) I have only this to say to her as she heads to Las Vegas as part of the final six.


If she wins I will probably get some motivational speaking gigs because I rule at this.