I eschew the pillow only because you offered it. Derh.

So I do not have any pets for a reason.  The reason is because I don’t want them.  I don’t want the mess, the responsibility, the mess, the expense or the mess.  So a week ago, there was this incredibly insistent MERRRROW outside my front door.  I opened the door and there was this malformed* little cat sitting on my doorstep being loud.  I told her, “Go away, you’re lost.”  She MERRROWed at me again.  So I got a spray bottle and squirted her.  She proceeded to run away and I thought, “Yay, she went home.”  Then the MERROW sounded from the patio door of the back yard.

This went on for a couple days.  She waited in the courtyard for me to come home from work every day.  I sang Smelly Cat.  She serenaded me all day and night.  She moved in when I went out to get the mail and just looked at me when I came back in and then started purring just as loudly and obnoxiously as she had previously MERROWed .

I named her Noxie, short for obnoxious. She loves eating turkey and playing a game called, “Lookit my butthole.”  I do not love this game.  One of my favorite online people, Allie, knows of this game and I’m stealing  her picture because it looks just like Noxie.  But I admit I’m stealing it and giving credit and links so it is actually free advertising; don’t get mad at me, Allie!

Wanna play a game?

A friend of mine was over and Noxie tried to play the “Lookit my butthole!” game with her kid and he peered really closely and announced, “It looks like a slice of banana.”  Now I can’t ever eat banana slices again.  Thanks, pal.

So once I accepted that Noxie truly had moved in and adopted me against my will, I decided I couldn’t afford that much turkey and bought god damned cat food.

Fucking shitbird moved out the next day.  Good riddance, you obnoxious fur ball.

I miss you, shithead.

*Her legs, tail and ears are disproportionately too short for the rest of her body.