So I do not have any pets for a reason. The reason is because I don’t want them. I don’t want the mess, the responsibility, the mess, the expense or the mess. So a week ago, there was this incredibly insistent MERRRROW outside my front door. I opened the door and there was this malformed* little cat sitting on my doorstep being loud. I told her, “Go away, you’re lost.” She MERRROWed at me again. So I got a spray bottle and squirted her. She proceeded to run away and I thought, “Yay, she went home.” Then the MERROW sounded from the patio door of the back yard.
This went on for a couple days. She waited in the courtyard for me to come home from work every day. I sang Smelly Cat. She serenaded me all day and night. She moved in when I went out to get the mail and just looked at me when I came back in and then started purring just as loudly and obnoxiously as she had previously MERROWed .
I named her Noxie, short for obnoxious. She loves eating turkey and playing a game called, “Lookit my butthole.” I do not love this game. One of my favorite online people, Allie, knows of this game and I’m stealing her picture because it looks just like Noxie. But I admit I’m stealing it and giving credit and links so it is actually free advertising; don’t get mad at me, Allie!
A friend of mine was over and Noxie tried to play the “Lookit my butthole!” game with her kid and he peered really closely and announced, “It looks like a slice of banana.” Now I can’t ever eat banana slices again. Thanks, pal.
So once I accepted that Noxie truly had moved in and adopted me against my will, I decided I couldn’t afford that much turkey and bought god damned cat food.
Fucking shitbird moved out the next day. Good riddance, you obnoxious fur ball.
I miss you, shithead.
*Her legs, tail and ears are disproportionately too short for the rest of her body.
nothings equivalent to the butthole state of mind
I think that’s a game that cats play with each other… see how long it takes to get a stranger to feed them. I bet if you looked, at the moment you realized she was gone, that there were a dozen little cat faces in your window, wanting to see the look on your face.
.-= bluzdude´s last blog ..Your Whitehouse Report – Part 1 =-.
She ran away after you fed her? What a jerk. Cats… who needs ’em? (me… I do… *cries*)
.-= Jenny Beans´s last blog ..Goblin Market is Done… Now What? =-.
Poor Vange… The cat thought she could do better 😛
I have played this game before (but not with a cat!). It can actually be hours of fun, but you have to know how to do it just right! 😉
LOL @ the bananas!!! 😀
Banana chips? LMAO!!
Vange, you would have HATED my mom’s evil bitch. Let’s just say, there’s a reason we named her Bin Laden.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..This Week’s Lee DeWyze Examiner Articles =-.
the vicious beast just wanted you for your turkey… Cats.. what can I say, they are aliens here to take over the earth
Based on your rug I now can now confidently say my theory that you live in a tee pee is correct. Unless that is just some Internet Cat Pic.
vettech cleverly wrote:
Well then, that cat wasn’t only obnoxious, she was stupid, too.
Acadia cleverly wrote:
Nope, that’s the actual Noxie, sleeping on my obnoxious rug.
yes that is a funny rug…
aww @ her adopting you.
weird that she left. I bet she will be back. This time prego.
It’s a blessing in disguise that she left. Three of my four cats randomly showed up, and my house has never been the same. I’ve got the torn up furniture and door frames to prove it.
She’ll probably be back in a few days. My cat Fat Fat (we apparently have similar naming styles) adopted us as well. He’s gone sometimes for three or four days. Then he comes home, meows until we let him in, eats his food and demands to be snuggled and petted. And then he leaves again… unless the weather is bad, and then he’s home every night.
She probably stuck around because you were giving her turkey and where ever else she hangs her rear end only gives her ordinary cat food. So when you came home with a can of the stuff, she figured, “Eh! I can get that ANYWHERE,” and bailed. She probably found someone else to give her turkey, or better yet, salmon.
Bring back the turkey if you miss her. Or at least pick up some freeze dried duck hearts (I’m sure you can find them online, my human got a bag at a cat show). Noxie won’t find THOSE at any old random house.
.-= Sparkle´s last blog ..Stamp Out Pet Homelessness =-.
I said I didn’t want a facking cat. Damn thing made me lover her. She was me in feline form. Small, weird, obnoxious, loud, damned lovable….