I’m not feeling very PFFT today, so instead I’m going to talk about pessimism.

PFFT!

What’s the deal with negativity? Being pessimistic about things never got anything accomplished. It does nothing except stress you out, raise your blood pressure, clog your arteries, make your nose hairs grow faster and spoil the milk in your fridge.

Pessimism is the leading cause of cancer in the United States. It’s responsible for high mortality rates among polydactyl kittens. Pessimism is the reason Rick Santorum is such a goober. It’s a gateway drug to hate speech, trolling, flaming and douchebaggery.

What can you do to protect yourself?

STOP BEING SO FREAKING PESSIMISTIC, EEYORE.

Christopher Robin still loves you or he would have sealed you in a box in the attic a long time ago! Your life is only as bad as you make it out to be.

Honestly, here are a few things you can do to improve your outlook on the world and stop dragging the rest of us down with you.

1) Do something you like and stop caring if anyone else thinks it’s good or not.

2) Chew more gum.

3) Take a day off work.

4) Drink less alcohol (no one likes a crying drunk).

5) Watch “My Little Pony – Friendship Is Magic”.

6) Play Mario Kart. (If you get motion sickness, play the new Super Mario Bros.)

If nothing in that list gives you the slightest joy, then you are obviously content being miserable. Please stay ::points:: over there so I don’t have to worry about you bursting my bubble.