Finally, we are done with Presidential Debates. The Iowans will caucus this weekend, and we will elect Donald Trump or Ted Cruz as our President and we can at last be done with all this bullshit. Why we let Iowa decide who becomes President, I don’t know, but, I’m just glad we’re finally done with this arduous process.
But, before we wrap up the Presidential Election Cycle for 2016, there is still one more Republican Debate. Most people prep for watching this debate with a Drinking Game. We assume the Gallery crowd is a mature audience, and, as such, has moved on from a nature desirous of alcohol poisoning. However, you never get too old to show that you have a gambling problem. So, let’s set some prop bets that’ll help you win riches during the debate. Or, have fun losing money. Because gambling is the best.
WILL DONALD TRUMP SHOW AT THE DEBATE?
The topic folks are most interested in. Will he or Won’t He? There’s likely going to be an E! special on Trump’s debate decision, but, for NOW, Wednesday evening, Trump is OUT. Will that change?
– 1/3 – Odds that Trump shows to the debate.
– 2/1 – Odds that Trump does NOT show for the start of the debate…HOWEVER, casually strolls out after the first commercial break to get a huge ovation from the crowd.
– 1/3 – Odds that Rick Santorum is begging anyone to take Trump’s podium for the main debate.
– 4/1 – Odds that John Kasich declares that he personally scared Trump away from an appearance.
– 2/1 – Odds that Jeb Bush makes a joke about how “some of us” (with a look towards Christie) enjoy Trump not being there as there is now more food at the buffet spread post-debate.
– 5/1 – Odds that any other candidate skips out on the Debate in “solidarity” with Trump.
– 10/1 – Odds that Rick Santorum puts on a Donald Trump wig and attempts to come out with the main debate.
FLINT WATER CRISIS PROP BETS
– 5/1 – Odds that any Candidate will condemn directly the Republican Governor of Michigan for poisoning people.
– 10/1 – Odds that any Candidate knows about the Flint Water Crisis.
– 3/1 – Odds that Jeb Bush says, “f*** it, I’ll drink that water.”
– 1/3 – Odds that a candidate will connect the Flint Water Crisis to the number of Syrian refugees accepted by Michigan and question whether the water was possibly tainted as an act of terror.
OREGON MILITIAMENS PROP BETS
– 3/1 – Odds that Rand Paul goes with the “f*** it, I’ll support those guys” last ditch effort to steal the crazy.
– 1/5 – Odds that Ted Cruz launches into a discussion of how he is the best when it comes to the Constitution if these idiots are mentioned.
– 5/1 – Odds that any candidate calls Chris Christie out for not sumo wrestling that one Oregon Militia guy in order to end the standoff.
-60/1 – Odds that Ben Carson mentions these guys are cowards and need to actually start stabbing people before he can take them seriously.
GENERAL PROP BETS
– Which candidate will be the first to complement Megyn Kelly: Ben Carson (3/1); Ted Cruz (2/1); Marco Rubio (1/4);
– 4/1 – Odds that during the debate John Kasich will ask a moderator to repeat a question because he was daydreaming about how he will “at least defeat” Jim Gilmore.
– Which Candidate Will Act the Most Afraid of ISIS, thus, scaring Americans into thinking they will wake up tomorrow morning with an ISIS guy blowing them up: Ted Cruz (1/2), Ben Carson (1/4)
– 3/1 – Odds that any candidate then asks: Wait, who is Jim Gilmore?
– 3/1 – Jeb Bush leaves the debate early and no one notices
– 4.5 – Number of times that John Kasich answers questions.
– 1.5 – Number of times Ben Carson remarks that he once held a lead in the Iowa polls, so, surely he still has a chance to win the caucus.
– 3.5 – Number of candidates that know FOR SURE what the caucus procedure is.
– 7 – Number of Candidates so f***ing ready to get the hell out of Iowa and not look back.
– 100/1 – Any candidate discusses the Oscars Boycott by several black actors and expresses that they too will boycott the Oscars.
– 3/1 – Jeb Bush states that he has seen Concussion and thought it was, “decent, not as quality as Driving Miss Daisy, but, decent.”
– 2/1 – Marco Rubio states that Straight Outta Compton was the best movie he has seen in, “years.” Then, begins to awkwardly say lyrics from an NWA album.
– 4/1 – Chris Christie expresses that he is upset, frustrated and tired of talking about movies. Then, proceeds to head back to the hotel after the debate to binge watch Frasier on Netflix.