Scarlett Johansson Makes a Huge Mistake

Acadia Einstein

You might have seen this pic already (some of us have jobs, you know) but here is Scarlett Johansson showing off the tattoo she got from some fancy artist Fuzi Uvtpk in France.  I didn’t know Fuzi Uvtpk was a French name but we all know I’m an uncultured doof so I’m sure it is.  There is a way bigger picture of it after the jump but it isn’t going to make you feel any better.  The whole thing still looks like something a kid drew at camp.

Actually, if you look closely, I think it started out as an upside-down cowboy (see how bow-legged he is) and in the middle the dude (excuse me, Mister Uvtpk) realized it was never going to work so he said “horseshoe” in French and ScarJo went right along with it.  Then all he had to do was make a few painful looking dots and then write “LUCKY YOU” in a way that isn’t even lined up with the cowboy legs.

Now, you are Scarlett Johansson and people know you went to get a tattoo.  It came out looking like something you would return if you bought it as a sticker at the drug store.  Are you going to hit the dude with a bottle and demand a refund and let the world know that you are mad and even though you are rich and famous you got screwed by a French dude whose name probably spells some French swear if you unscramble the letters?  No, you are going to pretend it came out just like you wanted and show people.

Don’t get tattoos unless it is an unintelligible squiqqle.  Then nobody can give you any guff!

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....


  1. Rod
    November 7, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    This article was relevant to my interests.

  2. Corey Shaughnessy (@TheShagnasty)
    Corey Shaughnessy (@TheShagnasty)Reply
    November 7, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    I was going to comment on G+, but f*** that s***.

    • Shawandy
      November 8, 2012 at 12:00 am

      Thats a really f’d up tat smdh. Glade my first didn’t come out bad even thoi didn’t do any research on the artist at all

  3. spockirk
    November 8, 2012 at 12:58 am

    Wow, and I thought I couldn’t draw.

  4. jen
    November 8, 2012 at 2:19 am

    Looks like stevie wonder had his way with it. Nice job, scarlett..

  5. cammy
    November 8, 2012 at 2:20 am

    I’d still hit it.

    • Jahid
      September 19, 2013 at 3:57 pm

      I would still hit it too, but that tattoo is garbage. All the “Top Notch” Tat Artists that could have done excellent work and she went with some unskilled dude. She would have gotten a better tattoo trying her luck on InkMaster.

    • Matt
      October 6, 2013 at 10:54 pm

      You got that right!

  6. Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)
    Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)Reply
    November 8, 2012 at 2:32 am

    On that body, even a tattoo of dog turd will look like a piece of art.
    You’re just jealous of her 😛

    • Jen Li
      Jen LiReply
      November 8, 2012 at 2:47 am

      So we agree then. The tattoo looks like crap. Also you wouldn’t know jealousy..unless you’ve seen a woman naked. Guess what..I’ve seen millions. I bet you’re jealous now huh? I think I even seen scarlett in playboy..yep.

      • Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)
        Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)Reply
        November 8, 2012 at 2:57 am

        erm, good for you? I’m happy that seeing millions of naked pictures makes you jealous for some reason.

  7. cammy
    November 8, 2012 at 2:34 am

    I don’t think you get it Akshay. I’d hit it with my pen*s.

    • Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)
      Akshay Bist (@quod_scripsi_2)Reply
      November 8, 2012 at 2:42 am

      cammy, my comment was directer at the author of the post, not you.
      If I wanted to respond to your comment, I would’ve “replied” to it, like I’m doing now.

  8. Acadia
    November 8, 2012 at 9:05 am

    This is excellent

    • Eva Halloween
      November 8, 2012 at 2:15 pm

      Be nice, darling. There’s only so much you can do with a sewing needle and bottle of India Ink from Woolworth’s.

  9. Alexander Wolfe
    November 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    I worship Scarlett Johansson and I don’t care how many silly tattoos she gets.

    Well okay, there is a limit…but this isn’t it. Three. Maybe four.

    • Acadia
      November 9, 2012 at 9:21 pm

      Seems rational.

    • Eva Halloween
      November 9, 2012 at 11:21 pm

      She seems fussy. But if she takes off her blouse and promises not to talk, she can have all the tattoos she wants, really.

    • angie potter
      angie potterReply
      November 12, 2012 at 11:54 pm

      I’m with you. She can lay on that side and I don’t even have to see it.

      • Alex
        November 13, 2012 at 12:50 am

        See! With a little flexibility, everyone’s happy. Though it’s starting to sound like Ms. Johansson may need to be somewhat flexible as well, in a more literal sense.

      • Mr. Stuben
        Mr. StubenReply
        October 23, 2013 at 7:30 am

        Then how would you know how lucky you are?

  10. catwiththumbs
    November 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    In 30 years it’s going to look like a bag of melted Skittles – “OMG, what was I thinking?!”

  11. joshuainflames
    December 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Existe un tipo de tatuaje muy de la old school, y son diseños basados en tatuajes utilizados por presos rusos o irlandeses son diseños burdos y de este tipo, son personajes como marineros, o un gato malhecho con una navaja en la mano, o un boxeador caricaturizado, amenos yo lo percibo de este tipo de tatuaje.

  12. PelvicBoogie
    January 5, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    It’d give rise to a dilemma. Cup the chesticle or cover the tattoo with my hand? It’s like drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

    • Mr. Stuben
      Mr. StubenReply
      October 23, 2013 at 7:33 am

      Incredibly well put.

  13. Tomino
    January 7, 2013 at 6:00 am

    Man shes beautiful

  14. julio cezar andrade de carvalho
    julio cezar andrade de carvalhoReply
    January 25, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Bullshit article!!!!!!!!!

  15. Phydeux
    March 29, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    try to make it a habit to not do things that can’t be undone

  16. Don Quikaung
    Don QuikaungReply
    March 31, 2013 at 1:30 am

    It is on her side. I am not paying attention to her side when she has chesticles to play with.

  17. Livefire
    August 1, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Looks like she would be a great celebrity guest for A&E’s new reality show “Bad Ink”. The stars find and remake tattoos gone wrong!

    • Acadia
      August 1, 2013 at 7:55 am

      HA – good call.

  18. Nick
    August 5, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Do a search of his name. All his art is like that. Apparently it’s his style and you just missed it.

    • Acadia
      August 6, 2013 at 7:04 am

      Well if his “style” is something I could do then he shouldn’t get paid a lot!

  19. Shannon
    August 6, 2013 at 5:15 am

    I think that was the style that she was going for!! Ya know something along the line of the old sailor tattoo style?! I’ve seen and gotten enough tattoos to know, as well as know many many tattoo artists to know that, nothing is wrong with that tattoo, it is not an overly amazing one, but all in all its not a bad tattoo either. The lines are straight, iam guessing it didnt come out. , seems pretty fine to me – you guys are just down to talk some shit. And most of you probably haven’t the slightest clue about tattoos, otherwise you would have known. Unless your just ignorant, or a hater.

    • Acadia
      August 6, 2013 at 7:06 am


    • Dim
      October 16, 2013 at 2:54 am

      na man its a shit job even if it was spose to be old school style its full of hills and valleys too deep in some spots shaky as and the little circles in the shoe havnt been filled in properly. this guy needs his hands choped off! all his other work is the same

  20. Wilfred
    August 24, 2013 at 10:45 am

    So what really happened here is dumb drunk girl let some dumb drunk lying moron tattoo her and then discovered drunk tattoo artist has absolutely no artistic talent .
    Lying and saying that some great tat artist did that is just silly . There is no tattoo artist that is that bad . Just own up to your stupidity and stop trying to blame someone that had nothing to do with it .

  21. willo
    August 25, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    it could be a 3d tat of a piece of s**t and i would still ruthlessly F*** her!

Let us know what you think. Being on-topic is NOT required.