Scream Queens is my Favorite Show now.

She calls the housekeeper “White Mammy”, the dean (Jamie Lee Curtis) “Dean Box Munsch” and said one of the new pledges to Kappa Kappa Tau probably got her neck brace from giving blumpkins at the bowling alley.  Feel free to look that up.

Oh, and the guy who dumped her (Chad) said: I can’t date a garbage person.  Now please leave me alone.  I just want to hit some golf balls at hippies.”

Gold.

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT!

White Mammy is dead.  She got her face burned off in a fryer by Chanel #1 (Emma).  Oh, and Ariana Grande is awesome and I will fight anyone who disagrees.  Here’s my fave exchange when poor Mrs. Bean was on the floor dead with no face:

Chanel #1:  People don’t die from getting their faces burnt off…

Zayday (Keke Palmer): Yes they do!

The Dean is banging Chanel’s ex-boyfriend.  He just said “I’m gonna go and take a pair of your panties.”  The Dean replied: “I will barf on your face”.

Now I have to go into bullet mode.  Jenn Martinelli can’t read paragraphs super well and this is sort of for her because she is too chicken to watch it.

• Skyler Samuels (the heroine) and the reporter kid just caught Chanel and the ex boyfriend (who said he got his first boner watching Faces of Death) find out that the body is gone!
• Ariana Grande is gonna go home.  Wait, now there is a devil at her door.  Like, a guy in a suit. and they are texting to each other.  This scene is great.  I need to find video of it.  But now Ariana Grande is dead.  What?
• Side note – there is a new Paranormal Activity movie coming out.  Read my article on how great those movies are over at Year of Halloween.
• I need to make a grilled cheese.  I bought butter at Rite Aid.  What is my life?
• Chanel thinks Mrs. Bean killed Ariana Grande.
• “Good evening, idiot hookers!  Welcome to Hell Week” –Chanel
• LOLZ – Chanel called the hero (Grace) Pissy Spacek.
• They had a sumit meeting but it didn’t work out.  Also, Abigail Breslin!  Remember her?  The kid from that movie with the van?  Little Miss Sunshine?
• Oh crap, Neckbrace is Lea Michele from Glee!  all the pledges are buried up to their necks in the dirt.  The Devil has a lawn mower.  The deaf girl can’t hear them.  lol
• Deaf girl got her head run over.  With a lawn mower.  A riding one, mind you.  This show rules!
• Neckbrace is telling them how to get rid of the body.  She is super gross.  “If we touch her, she won’t haunt our dreams.”
• I burnt my grilled cheese.  Ugh.  Stupid compelling show.  It was still good, though.
• Nasim Perdad is underrated, FYI.
• The security guard has comic potential.
• There is a secret room and only Chanel has the key.
• Jamie Lee Curtis has great comic chops.  True Lies, her amazing boobs in Trading Places – she has always been one of my faves.
• Grace got busted in the secret room by Chanel.  Chanel told the story of the girl from the beginning who had a baby in the tub and then died. And Mrs. Bean and Dean Munsch covered it up.  Oh, obvi, Grace is the baby.
• Chad is getting dumped by Chanel.  He told her she’d be sorry.
• The Jonas brother tried to touch Chad’s wiener.  Not just then.  But Chanel caught them in bed together and the Jonas brother (Boone) had a “huge boner”.
• The devil just knocked out the Barista and he has a Devil costume.  He might be the killer!  Or the baby.  Or both!
• Boner Boone wants to join Kappa.
• Grace’s dad is watching the Kappa House and he is super 90s like Nasim Perdad (Chi Chi).  Damn – THEY ARE ME.  Well, he is.  They are going on a date and the Dean is PISSED.
• Chanel got away from the Devil!  But he wrote SLUTS WILL DIE on the wall.  And he killed the other, non funny security guard.
• Boner Boone is working out.  What a hunk!  The Devil showed up and he acted like he knew him.  But he got killed.  Total boner killer.
• Hester drank the poop water.  Zayday thinks Chanel is the killer.  Chanel thinks it is Mrs. Bean.  And deaf Taylor Swift is still dead.
• Chad came in to tell them that Boone was dead.  But then the Devil came to the morgue and Boone is alive!

Damn good show.