So I was thinking about the Matrix last night while I was watching the Wolfman.  Why?  Cause The Wolfman was pretty frigging boring but also because it was set in the late 19th century. So then I was thinking.  Why did the machines fuck up so badly in The Matrix?  See, if I remember it right, the machines kept all the humans in pods and sucked their…tasty juices or something while making the humans think they were living in a regular world.  They had jobs and restaurants and hats and everything was fine.

Except The Matrix was fatally flawed and if they had consulted with me, the Machines would still be all fat and sassy and in charge.

See, the problem the machines had was that they let the Matrix have technology like phones and computers and good guns.  So when Keanu Reeves was getting recruited he understood that there were machines in the first place.  That’s where the machines went wrong.

They should have made Matrix word be the early 19th century.  What do they care?  It’s just programming.  Unless it was really hard for them to make horses look real then having a society whose technology was really primitive seems like it would have been a good idea.  If there was no such thing as a phone then how could people escape the Matrix?  They couldn’t, that’s how!  And even if someone from the outside could somehow get in, how would they explain computers and shit to someone from 1815?  They couldn’t, that’s how!

So, old timey Matrix means a long happy life for the Machines.  They messed it all up and I feel badly for them.  Poor machines.  *pets cell phone* It’s ok, buddy. You’re a “smart” phone!