An American of Irish Descent Shits on St. Patrick’s Day

Acadia Einstein

James Joyce is performing a valuable service in this picture. And I'm not making a corned beef joke. Oh no I'm not.

So my grandmother’s parents were right off the boat from Ireland.   She got hit in the head with a rock when she was a kid by some smelly Protestant who called her a “dirty rotten Irish Catholic.”  This apparently justified giving me five bucks when I broke up with my Jewish girlfriend 60 years later.  Though, to be fair, she later regretted her decision and told me, “You know, Christ was a Jew.” I kept the five bucks.

Why did I tell you that?  Because Irish Americans are rivaled only by the Italians in pride of their heritage.  The Latvians and the Polish and all the other Euro communities can screech all they want, but they don’t have the stroke of the Irish.  And the Italians have to deal with the “terrifying mobster” stigma.  All the Irish have is drunken wife beating which usually only occurs at home and rarely has movies or TV shows made about it.

But on St. Patrick’s Day, everyone gets to be drunk.  That’s really the point of it.  I mean, there are parades.  I have one down below (which is awesome btw) from Havana, Cuba.  But how many old white guys and pale kids can you look at all in a row?  For me, I found out the answer is seven…in any combination.

So why do the Irish get such good press?  Why are they (and, I guess, partly me) so lovable?  Well, I guess if you look angelically up from the floor, with the strings of puke connecting your cheek to the puddle beneath you like rainbows, who wouldn’t be charmed by your child-like innocence, especially if you are missing a tooth and bleeding from one ear?  Who could read a lot of Samuel Beckett and not feel the joy of…well, anyway.  You can’t expect a lot from a people whose most famous mode of dancing relies on not moving your arms or upper body in any way.

Also, the Irish were not really all that persecuted.  I’m starting to doubt if my Nana got hit with that rock at all… I mean, the song I have linked below, No Irish Need Apply, is about how the Irish were discriminated against.  Except they weren’t.  Nobody can find a single instance of the No Irish Need Apply sign anywhere.  Doesn’t make the song less bad ass, though!  After the jump, I sort of ease up on my people and there’s that cool Cuban bagpipe video!

So after I figured out how to put in the mp3 (Thanks, Beans!) I realized I’m being a little hard on the Irish.  I mean, I was more than happy to sit in a bar from 10:00 am til closing and not know that there was a huge snowstorm in the intervening time one St. Patrick’s Day.  And yeah, I’ve been puked on.  And I mean during…intimate moments.  And you know, if your whole race were known for its complete lack of athletic ability and small dicks, you’d drink a lot too.  So, go ahead, people.  Overcompensate!  And pass the Jameson’s.  Did you know Jenna Jameson named herself after the whiskey?  Sounds better then Jenna Wild Turkey, doesn’t it?

Cuban St. Patrick’s Day Parade.  I don’t think they get it but whatever.  It’s awesome.

House of Pain: Jump Around.  It’s sort of a requirement.  God Bless Larry Bird.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.  Drunk idiots.

I have run the site since 2005. And I have to say I am pretty damn proud of it. I wrote the book Whalewolf (sold on and am not even close to tired so I am just going to keep going. I was born in Portland, Maine and I currently live in New York and Charlotte, North Carolina. I keep hoping that at some point all these weird rebels are gonna say: "SURPRISE!" and act normal. Eight years and counting....


  1. Jennifer Hudock
    Jennifer HudockReply
    March 16, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    As a woman of Scottish and Irish descent, I find it somewhat offensive that we celebrate St. Paddy when there are so many other good things that came out of Ireland. You know, like my ancestors. 😛
    .-= Jennifer Hudock´s last blog ..Big Changes Coming =-.

  2. bluzdude
    March 16, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    As an American of Italian descent, I have to admit that St. Paddy’s Day totally kills Columbus day every year.

    Fortunately for us, we have a legacy of food that is actually palatable, to make up for it. Cheers!
    .-= bluzdude´s last blog ..Brushes – Part 8 =-.

  3. VetTech
    March 16, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    I thought for sure you would post the “Drunken Irish Dad” song from Family Guy.
    Tabhair póg dom, táim Éireannach! and of course, Three Cheers for Lite Green Beer!

  4. Evangeline
    March 17, 2010 at 6:42 am

    I mean, there are parades. I have one down below (which is awesome btw) from Havana, Cuba.

    I really thought you were going for the “in my PANTS” joke and it took me a sec to catch up that you meant an actual parade.

    Also, I fixed your contractions. That sounds good and dirty.

  5. Talen
    March 17, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Who really cares about the micks and waps anymore?

    As far as parties go the Irish usually get so drunk they shit themselves and then pass out..yeah, fun party crowd they are.

    The biggest achievement the Irish can ever be noted for is being subjugated by England…that should tell you something right there about Irish fighting spirit…they couldn’t kick the ass of a bunch of pansy ass Englishmen… nuff said.

    You pansy ass Irish lovers go drink your green miller light and I’ll sit back and have a real beer and watch the stupidity ensue.
    .-= Talen´s last blog ..Thai Women & the Issan Silicone Farm =-.

  6. Joelle
    March 19, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    DNW that pic.
    .-= Joelle´s last blog ..Some Guy Is Totally Boned =-.

  7. cookiebella
    May 2, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Oh you poor sad fucker. You have no clue of a history you should be proud of. Yes the Irish were persecuted. We were enslaved before the Africians ever were for the sugar trade. More Irish were enslaved and shipped across the atlantic in the 17C than Africians. We brought the greatest empire to its knees and gained our independence at the early part of the 20 centuary. You have no idea of the discrimination your ancestors went through during the 18 & 19 & 20C. Shame on you. People like you make my stomach turn. The reason why Irish don’t get bad press is because we were never pirates like the English who robbed and oppressed other cultures for their own gain. Instead the Irish diaspora contributed to any country they settled in. Be proud of who you are, idiot!!!

  8. Acadia
    May 2, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    @ cookiebella:

    I didn’t say I wasn’t proud, Paddy. And how come the Irish always gotta pretend they had it worse than the blacks? I went through YEARS of this shit. I have an idea. Let’s you, me and a black dude go to Grand Central Station. Then we will all try to blend in. Which one of us do you think people will find?

    Ireland, like Canada, prides itself on not having really bothered anyone at any time. So you can keep hanging your hat on that while I go get me a tan.

  9. cookiebella
    May 3, 2010 at 3:25 am

    “how come the Irish gotta pretend they had it worse than the blacks?”. Oh dear God, I actually feel sorry for you. I made a point that during that terrible period in the early part of it more Irish (unknown to alot of people)were sent over. That could NEVER undermine what happened to the Africians for the duration of that period.
    Please read

    Oh, please were sunscreen, skin cancer can be a killer!

  10. cookiebella
    May 3, 2010 at 7:25 am

    I’m sorry I forgot to add, calling an Irish person a “paddy” has derogatory connotations, which I’m sure was probably intended for me, but a word of advice if your ever in Ireland don’t use it.
    Also Canada prides itself on not really bothering anyone! tell that to the Inuits.

  11. Acadia
    May 3, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    You are confusing my disinterest with ignorance. If some kid is gonna use this post as a reference for their term paper then I feel really badly for them.

    Take the shillelagh out of your ass and stop trying to teach me things. If you want to argue about countries, go to this post and bitch to the whiny Canadians over there about what they did to the drunken Eskimos.

Let us know what you think. Being on-topic is NOT required.