Editor’s Note: Sometimes the staff takes advantage of the new “Hey you added me to Google Plus so now you are in my chat list even though I don’t know who you are”.  This is one of those times.  Just think, if you hoop all of us, some day YOU could be Brian! — Acadia

me: you are AT the beach now?

how far away from the actual beach are you.

Brian Smith: not like… on the beach… but down the street from the beach.

me: give that to me in steps.

Brian Smith: 9 minute drive i suppose

me: how many steps to the beach.
guesstimate.

Brian Smith: many

me: many is not a number.
give me a number of steps.
approximate.
round up, even.

Brian Smith: lets see… about 5 miles… there’s 1760 yards (about a pace) in a mile… so 8800 big steps

me: WOW
you are no where NEAR the f*cking beach.

Brian Smith.
you need soap in your mouth.
did your parents ever do that to you for lying?

Brian Smith: i couldn’t ever find a reason to lie…

me: i swear it was like my fifth food group.

Brian Smith: oops, i did it..

me: see.

Brian Smith: <– finds soap

me: in the corner you go.

Brian Smith: yeah, i got to where I started to like it

me: i was in the corner a lot too.
eating soap

Brian Smith: yum! and that’s why you’re so creative now?

me: not for fun, because lying like we said.
i am not sure this made me a creative person as much as it did a very angry person.
also, i wash my hands a lot
so, maybe it helped spur that on.
since soap was such a huge part of my childhood.

Brian Smith: hmm.. angry people have lots to express like creative people thus lying made you creative.

me: brian smith you are a f*cking genius.

Brian Smith: new liquid soap tastes funny… don’t care for that so much

me: you eat soap now?
what’s that about.
like self punishment?

Brian Smith: thank goodness you recognized that! i thought i was alone…
i’ve cut back on soap these days

me: you go into the corner for fun now, dont you.

Brian Smith: maybe, when no one is looking

me: i think you might have a problem you need to seek help for.
i don’t want to call an addict out, you know.
but, i want to help.
you don’t have to carry this around with you anymore and be..
alone.
brian smith.

Brian Smith: excellent.
that makes me happy… when i’m happy, i don’t think about the corner
or the soap

me: would you like to pray about it?

Brian Smith: to whom?

me: uh
it doesn’t matter.
god. jesus. batman. koala bears. king kong. the black smoke thing from LOST.
that way
the call goes out to everyone.

Brian Smith: then sure… why not.

Brian Smith: i’m bowing my head
go

me: ok.
dear stuffs,
(i think that is a good way to start)

Brian Smith: i’m going with it… hands raised
(clean hands)

me: thank you for bringing brian and i together today, for this time of fellowship.
brother brian, oh holy stuffs,
(they like to be called holy, ego and what not)

Brian Smith: no doubt!

me: our dear brian has a very sick addiction

Brian Smith: I’m sick koalas!
et al!

me: he likes to swill the liquid soap, oh help us, he likes the SOAP TOO MUCH
heal him this day, cast the demons from his jowls
DO NOT let the soaps take hold, dear stuffs
amen.

Brian Smith: amen.

me: i think you will be better from now on brian smith.

Brian Smith: where the hell are my jowls?
i’ll google it…

me: you do that. but try not to get hurt in the process.

Brian Smith: ok, gottit.. amen again…

me: peas be with you always.