This is what happens when you're raised by Eric Bana in the woods.

What would your life be like if you’ve never seen a television or even a light bulb? I don’t really know but even if you were raised in the dark you should have enough sense not to flip the switch on that little box. If you’ve played any type of game at all you know that THE BIG RED BUTTON is bad. Hell even the Greeks were sitting in the theater shouting down Pandora before she opened the box. There wouldn’t be a movie  if it weren’t flipped though so in Hanna, directed by Joe Wright, Saoirse Ronan flips the switch and we’re off on a killing spree.


I’ve never been sure why we buy into the idea that girls can be turned into killing machines. Most women I know aren’t that enthralled with the idea of bloody combat and sometime in the fifties it was finally conclusively proven that a larger stronger opponent with equal training will be able to subdue another smaller martial arts master. At least Hanna tries to make an explanation of how a girl can stomp all over her opponents. See if you’re trained in a remote Arctic forest and never exposed to a light bulb it’s easy. I couldn’t help but start listing silly things she might have been deprived of to make her mad enough to kill. “I’ve never seen a blow drier for my silky blonde hair you bastard!” *snaps neck*

Hannah Montana is not a teenage blond killing machine

Hanna and her father Erik have to die because the evil Marissa (Cate Blanchett) must erase the evidence of her past crimes. There’s a hiring office for off the book thugs so she gets some to chase after Hannah and Erik. Apparently this is because the CIA is a paragon of virtue and has never employed thugs on the direct payroll. “I need you for the things mah Agency won’t let me do.” It all gets a little confusing if you’re looking for white hats and black hats. The good guys are bad guys and the bad guys are a little worse than the good guys but it really doesn’t matter to the guys who get tortured and killed along the way.

This movie is actually a great example of the new morality. Nobody really wants to play the hero anymore. Here Hanna is with all her powers and she just bails leaving anyone who tries to help behind to face the consequences. I know it’s a movie but this is how the majority of people who are playing games now act too. I guess I’m old fashioned, I always help the cute girl and it makes me a little sad when she grabs the quest item and runs away leaving me to fight the fourteen angry thugs chasing her.

Will kill for conditioner

Who aside from me worries about issues of morality at an action film? When you’re telling this kind of bloody

modern fairy tale value is measured by body count and car chases. I’m a fool for even caring about plot holes and dialog. This is a chase thriller and if you like those kind of movies your ticket price has been well spent. It’s not like every movie you see has to be Citizen Kane. Give Joe Wright credit for using such a unique protagonist and having a lot of fun with the concept. Hey I’d much rather see Saoirse cavort on the screen than one of the other interchangeable action figures they usually trot out.

Keep an eye on Saorise too. She’s a lot better than the roles she’s acted so far. I got the impression that half of the script for Hanna was “Saroise looks intense” and it works. It’s probably more acting than most Hollywood stars will manage anyway. Also if you’re wondering Saoirse is pronounced Sheer-sa. Practice it so when she gets the breakout role you can look sophisticated.

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