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Suspiria: 27th Scariest Movie of All Time

I saw this movie and this is the first one on the list of the 31 Scariest Movies of All Time I legitimately didn’t think was scary.  It was pretty.  It was weird.  It was not scary.  I can’t even remember much about it and I wasn’t drunk when I saw it.  Or maybe I was but I remember plenty of scary things from other times I was drunk so that’s no excuse.  Listen to this shit!  According to IMDB:

7.3/10   17,276 votes

What?  17276 SISSIES if you ask me.  Didn’t scare me at all.  I watched it while I was standing on one foot holding a wobbly stack of teacups full of nitroglycerin and it was so not scary that I didn’t spill a drop.  Then I showed it to a baby and the baby thought it was funny.  The Bumble from Rudolph is scarier than this movie.

Vange would still think it was scary but you can’t go by her.  She says she brings her own bags to the grocery store because of the environment but in reality it’s because the plastic ones scare her when they rattle.

That said, you can make your own judgement based on the trailer.  Or you can pretend the title is a rare disease.  “I’m sorry, ma’am.  Your husband has suspiria.  He must have picked it up in the mines.  He’ll need you, ma’am.  He’ll need you as suspiria eats away at his ligaments or something.”  Original trailer after the jump.  I really have no frigging idea if this movie is scary and I’m jaded or it sucks and everyone who says it is awesome is a douche.  Help me out, people.  Help me out.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.


  1. Nicole

    Yet another movie I haven’t seen. I suck.

    And leave Vange alone. I bringing reusable bags to the grocery store too. Not only are they better for the environment, they also don’t rip like plastic bags. You don’t want to see me when I drop a bottle of Pepsi on my foot because a bag ripped. What ensues is scary.

  2. vange

    Actually, I have re-useable grocery bags because it’s an excuse to buy another accessory. Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and Pier One have really cool bags.

    • sangfroid

      Vange you are seriously girly.

    • Nicole Ireland

      Shopping bags, the newest must have accessory.

      I have to step up my game. I use the Walmart, Fiddlehead Marketplace and Shaw’s ones.

  3. Acadia

    Stop womaning all over the scary movie posts. Pretend you care!

    • sangfroid

      The really scary part about this is he actually made the new word “womaning” work.

      • vange

        Shit, I missed that. I wonder now if it was intentional or not.

  4. vange

    You brought up shopping bags!


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