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Texas Chainsaw Massacre – 7th Scariest Movie of All Time

I think the scariest thing about this movie is not that there is a dude running around with a mask made out of other people’s faces.  I think what makes this one of the 31 Scariest Movies of All Time is that there was a whole family of weirdos who lived in a house made out of bones and nobody ever knew about it.

As a way to test out how invasive the GOVERNMENT is I decided to kill a bunch of people and make furniture and whatnot out of their bones.  How did it work out?  Not so well.  See, building a murder house is a really stupid idea during a census year.  They kept coming around and getting all snoopy so I had to kill them, too.  Then the cable guy came, then a plumber.  Frigging murder house was like Grand Central Station murder house!

But  I persevered.  And soon my chicken feather-strewn, dilapidated, unpainted, smelly abbatoir of a house because filled with lots of awesome corpses and bathtubs full of gross shit and an old man I found and a bunch of other gross and very conspicuous things.  Then some sexy teens broke down and I chased them around and tried to kill them.  And then I got caught.  They all had cell phones and they just called the cops and they had GPfuckingS and everyone knew right where they were and it turned out that if you don’t live in some hillbilly state that doesn’t have mailmen or phones then you are pretty safe from getting chainsaw massacred.

So the scariest part of this movie is the fact that in Texas nobody comes to collect property taxes from diabolical murder factories.  Suck on THAT, Tea Party!  Or something?  Trailer after the jump.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

1 Comment

  1. Sangfroid

    This is civilized in Texas.

    Reply

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