That's not rappelling.

Big Easy uses basketball to explain how they still have a chance! Teams are given $1 and need to get to the heliport to ride with the Search & Rescue Team. Boy Goth claims repeatedly he will kick some ass and no one believes him. He doesn’t even believe him. Teams sign up for slots on the helicopters. Team Aspberger gets in a few shots about Team Goth’s ridic eyebrows. Little do they know, how durable Sharpies are.

Teams fly to the Detour in which they have to choose between Search or Rescue. Search: locate a dummy buried on an avalanche or Rescue: rappel into a crevasse to rescue a dummy. No choice, I’d be rappelling. What an amazing view. I live in the shadow of Sandia Peak but I’m still floored by this view. Oh, and it snowed most of today, May 2nd. Jen and Kisha chose Rescue and she didn’t rappel so much as be lowered. Boo. Globetrotters chose Rescue and Big Easy tells us he has more room on the helicopter than on an airplane. I’m watching the Girl Goth with the winch and it looks like it is geared really low to raise someone easily. I bet if she pulled the rope above the winch, she could lower him faster. My gosh, I’d rock this show. And calling this “rappelling” is really funny. Did you know, there’s an Amazing Race Wii game? I kind of maybe want it.  The Search task looks way harder. For one thing, that isn’t avalanche snow; that snow is all compacted and not easy to dig. Team Vanilla pull up the torso and needed to go back for the lower body. Vanilla dad is grunting and growling like a wounded bear.

Teams take the helicopter and take a train to a ski town next. Jen & Kisha get there first and have to wait for the train. Teams bunch up except Team Aspberger who are still digging like fools.

Roadblock: Who Wants to Make a New Friend? The Swiss export a butt-ton of chocolate yearly. Teams must create a Travelocity Roaming Gnome entirely out of chocolate, using snow to cool it. Once it is deemed correctly formed, teams trade it for a real gnome that they must keep. I want to bury that annoying Goth boy under an avalanche. My gah, SHUT UP. He talks to the girl Goth non stop, criticizing and nagging and ugh. Flight Time is so upbeat and cheery, “I’ma make this great!” And then two seconds later, one of Flight time’s pieces goes missing. Big Easy thinks girl Goth took it and is not quiet about it. Boy goth is mildly offended. I’m hoping Big Easy slams his fist right on top of boy Goth’s head, smooshing him to the size of a beer can with tiny little feet sticking out, like in a cartoon.

Big Easy flirts like he is 14 years old. flight Time still finishes first and takes it out into the snow to cool for at least half an hour. Team Aspberger is SO RUDE. Lady fromt he chocolate place tells him it will start getting heavy because she is filling it with melted chocolate and he says,” Thanks Captain Obvious.” Thief-y Goth girl finishes first.

An iconic cabin at the base of the Matterhorn is the next Pit Stop. Flight Time finishes second. The clue said, :Make your way on foot” and Team Goth is looking for a taxi. Oh please let them take a cab. Vanilla daughter, smiling, says, “They’re gonna get a bad penalty!” when Team Goth gets in a taxi. Globetrotters, winded and tired, get to Phil first and I’m SO HAPPY. Kisha & Jen are second and also winded. The altitude is kicking their butts. Team Goth is barked at by a beautiful dog and Phil gives them a 30 minute penalty!!!! Team Vanilla is third and Team Aspberger seems to take a weird route, to like…apartments.they still get there before the penalty is up so YAY!  Boy Goth is blaming girl Goth like a passive aggressive piece of shit. Boy Goth claims he stays positive? WHAT.

Next week: Teams go to Brazil and get waxed then take a speedboat through the Florida Keys? What if you don’t have any body hair?