Oh shit we're dead!

So usually when you think that the US has earthquakes you think about all those hippies in San Francisco slipping into the sea with their tie-dyed shirts and pot brownies.  And when you think of large entities shooting beams up into the sky, you usually think of a super villain trying to control the weather or burn a hole in Fort Knox.  WELL THINK AGAIN!!!!!

The New Madrid (it’s not pronounced like the city in Spain; It’s MAD-RID) Fault is a big ass thing sitting near the middle of the country more or less.  And what’s more important is that it’s closer to the side of the country that people care about (fuck you, rectangle states).  Here are some facts.  At least I think they’re facts.  I got them from a .org.

THE NEW MADRID FAULT SYSTEM EXTENDS 120 MILES SOUTHWARD from the area of Charleston, Missouri, and Cairo, Illinois, through New Madrid and Caruthersville, following Interstate 55 to Blytheville and on down to Marked Tree, Arkansas. It crosses five state lines and cuts across the Mississippi River in three places and the Ohio River in two places.

THE HIGHEST EARTHQUAKE RISK in the UNITED STATES outside the West Coast is along the New Madrid Fault. Damaging tremors are not as frequent as in California, but when they occur, the destruction covers over more than 20 times the area because of underlying geology.

A DAMAGING EARTHQUAKE in this AREA, 6.0 or greater, occur about every 80 years (the last one in 1895). The results would cause serious damage to schools and masonry buildings from Memphis to St Louis.

Now, since I’m not a nerd, I have no idea how far away Memphis is from St. Louis (and I can’t find it on the stupid map up there) but I do know that whenever someone starts talking about underlying geogrpaphy I get scared.  The last time someone did that I was building a kick ass fort in back of my grandmother’s house and my drunk uncle was all like: “the underlying geography of blarb glarble flarb.” and sure enough the fort collapsed and my uncle fell asleep in a lawn chair.  So I know what I’m talking about.  So if you want to find video and facts and all sorts of fucked up crap about how we’re all going to die, check it out after the jump.

So this super ray thing is called HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program) and I don’t need to look up facts or anything to assume that every single thing the conspiracy people say about it is true.  It is designed to shoot crazy beams into the sky that will cause natural disasters and will inevitably cook us and destroy the middle of the country by making the New Madrid fault split open and drain the Mississippi river.

You want proof?  The guy down there is my proof.  He has a hat and a beard and videotapes his TV while it’s on to back up his points.  I mean, just look at the headline and the first line of the description of his video!

2010/11 New Madrid Earthquake 8.1 in next 24 months phenomenon in the sky before!

“Geologist say we have 2 months thru 2 years it will probly go off”

What the living shit does: “You didn’t think them FEMA coffins were goin’ there for no reason?” Mean?  Why does this guy say wow so much?  Why out of the 4734 videos about this subject did I pick this guy?  Is it because of my drunk uncle?  Maybe it is.  *pours forty, falls asleep in lawn chair*.  So sorry St. Louis, looks like the government is planning on earthquaking your ass into hell for some reason.  Why?  I don’t know.  Go read this post if you want to probably also not find out why. But it does say this:

The New Madrid and The Great Lakes region is connected to the Caribbean fault system. Based on the way the Mid-Continental United States is geologically formed, if someone wanted to trigger the Caribbean plate system – the best way to do so would be to first destabilize the Caribbean plate…. This could be accomplished by destabilizing the sea floor bed of the Gulf of Mexico. This has in fact already been done via the BP oil rig disaster. The next thing you would have to do to set off the Caribbean plate is you would have to trigger a massive fault line rupture at the New Madrid fault zone (map above). All the birds that have died are in this zone.

All the birds that have died?  Really?  You people need to wake up or else you won’t be able to talk to ranting bums in a coherent manner.  I’m doing my part.  Are you?