I don’t care what rich people do unless it involves them giving me some of their riches.  Tiger Woods apparently likes cheating on his hot wife.  According to the whole fucking internet:

AS his list of mistresses continues to grow, Tiger Woods’ wife Elin Nordegren has had enough and moved out of their $3 million luxury home. Neighbours and other sources close to Woods told RadarOnline.com that Elin is living nearby in another house.

A nearby house?  Have you seen his fucking house?  My house is technically nearby it and I don’t even live in the same state.  Anyway, I know it sucks that he is a big fat cheater and she is being wronged and they have kids and blah blah.  But we are talking about a dude who has made 750 million dollars.  She is gonna get hundreds of millions.  The kids will have…a lot.  And I know that people say money can’t buy everything, but I suspect that the majority of people who say that are people who don’t have hundreds of millions of dollars.

Oh, and I don’t hear a lot of people calling Tiger a scum bag.  I am sure they probably called him that on The View or something, but I think people don’t know what to do cause if they make too much fun of the Asian black dude they could get accused of being racist.  And picking on the wife even though she is blonde and white is bad form cause she is the victim.  So could this be a jokeless tragedy?  Well, the only joke it reminded me of is the one about how the world isn’t fair. (To be fair, there are a bunch of Tiger Woods jokes but I can’t remember them so post them in the comments if you have any good ones).

You know how they say that if a man bangs a lot of women he is a stud but if a women bangs a lot of men she is a tramp?  You know why that is?  Well, if you have a key that opens lots of locks it’s called a MASTER key.  But if you have a lock that can be opened by a lot of keys, it’s just a shitty lock.

If Tiger Woods calls, tell him to send me some riches.  And if his wife calls, tell her to also send me some riches.  Or not.  Whatever.  This whole thing is stupid.