Dear Mr. Zach Galifianakis
Your name rhymes with Nalifianakis
If I had two dollars
To make you holler
I’d hope it sounded like: Halifianakis

You are sexy because of your scowls
And packed foodie hamster jowls
I love a good beard
It makes one look feared
My vagina, you are welcome to prowl

I imagine we meet on the street
Of some town that smells of rank feet
I offer perfume
And the use of my womb
To a motel we head to stain sheets

We relax with an after sex smoke
You tell me a story, then joke
About your nutsack
My face you attack
Your pubes up my nose and I choke

Shouting to get me some Help
A Beatles rendition you yelp
We both have a giggle
Your tummy it jiggles
I swoon like a bed of sea kelp

But we cannot have more than is this
One night wrapped in heavenly bliss
We both say goodbyes
With tears in my eyes
I hope you didn’t give me Hollywood Herpes