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The Space Shuttle – You Will Miss It When It’s Gone

The Carmen Electra Jetpack! (Carmen Electra not included).

The Carmen Electra Jetpack! (Carmen Electra not included).

So I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about how the thing that brings fuel to the Space Shuttle is broken but they need to fix it by Wednesday cause the Shuttle needs to bring some shit up to the INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION.  And then they said that they need to hurry up because the Space Shuttle is getting too old and they are not gonna use it anymore past next year.  Which brought up a whole bunch of questions that you people better answer.

  • Why do we have to keep calling it the INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION?  I mean – it isn’t even on the planet.  So if someone came from another planet they would be all confused.  What’s a Nation?  I just see a planet.  So they should rename it EARTH STATION ONE.
  • Also – I wonder if there is some kind of…admittance policy on who they allow on it.  Like, if Norway or Ghana managed to get a rocket up there, would the people on the Space Station let them in?
  • The Space Shuttle first launched in 1981 – before we had any of the shit we have now.  As far as I can tell, they built it with hammers and wood and those Casio watches that had calculators in them.  So no shit it is old, but they managed to build it good enough to fly into space about a million times and only fuck up twice.  Not a bad record.  But NOW it is too old?  I mean, the computer I am typing this on is probably better than all the computers on the whole space shuttle.
  • Why did they not have a plan for what was after the shuttle?  Like – they had 30 fucking years to think about it.  But no -apparently they shot their whole wad back in the 70’s and now all we can do is hitch a ride with the Russians?  Lame.
  • Why don’t we have a moon base?  I can think of like 4 things that I could use a moon base for, and I am not even a real scientist.
  • What will the next thing they build be?  Cause as far as I can see – they don’t have any more plans.  Maybe a giant kite?  Robot Underwear?  Space…fish?

Overall, I have to say that NASA and the rest of science can suck it.  They had years and years and years to figure out how to make an awesome new flying space contraption that would make us all feel cool.  But instead, we are just gonna say: well, we built this thing that was way too expensive but hey, it flew into space and came back, so it was totally worth it.  But now it isn’t so we will go back to lame ass rockets that we had in the first place.  All that shit you saw on the Discovery Channel was a bunch of crap.  We are gonna remain lame for at least another 30 years.  I checked out the NASA jobs page and they are not even hiring anyone to “come up with an idea that doesn’t suck”.


About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.


  1. vettech

    This is only a rumor but I heard they are planning on building a new green hybrid shuttle that runs on a mixture of french fry oil and wind supplied by political rhetoric. 🙂

  2. vettech

    If you think about it the catalyst of the original space program was just Kennedy spouting hot air and that worked for 30 years.


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