Seriously – we can’t get into a fight with the Russians without our nukes.  What if they show up in their underwear in the dead of winter looking to fight?  We can’t expect our army guys to grab the Russian guys’ dicks until they surrender.  What?  Oh, I’m sorry, did you want some context for my crazy statements?  Well, I think by now you would trust me enough to just take my word for things on world affairs, but if you demand something more than that I submit the video below.

To recap: without our nuclear weapons, Russians in their underwear will kick our asses, forcing us to grab their junk with a death grip until they quit.  This is not what we want to have happen, so we need to not renew the START treaty with the Russians.  Call your congressperson immediately.