OK, so this show was interesting to me before but now that it has moved into the “Battle Rounds” it is better than it was. It goes like this. *uses announcery voice*:
Each coach has 8 people on their team. In the battle rounds, the coaches take two people from their team and make them sing the same song at the same time. They even make them sing in a big ring. After the performance, the coach cuts one person. So the coach picks who sings against who and who goes home. And at no point do any wrestlers run into the ring.
So using that as the premise, tonight had four battles (one from each coach). Now, I’m gonna breeze through what each coach did after the jump but before I do I’m going to show you why Cee Lo Green is a dummy. And it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was dressed like a fat little red genie. He put the two chicks in the video below against each other. After the performance the cowboy guy said: “some day when Cee Lo is old he will look back on his mistakes and realize he should not have put you two against each other.”
Then again, maybe we shouldn’t listen to cowboys unless they are talking about cows or…boys. But in this instance I will agree with the cowpoke. Below you can see: Jo from The Facts of Life against Tootie from The Facts of Life!
Update! If you watch the whole clip (I had to change it cause NBC sucks) you will find out who won. So if you want me to tell you, don’t watch the whole thing.
Who won? WHO? I’ll tell you after the jump.
- Adam Levine put the dude who sounded like a chick against the chick with moderately big knockers who did that warbly thing with her voice with every note. Unsurprisingly, the dude who looked like Michael Rooker but sounded like a girl lost. SHOCKER!
- Xtina (please note I call her that cause I can’t spell her last name and also fuck you) pitted the only two black chicks on her team against each other. Is she a racist? Maybe. But she picked the fatter one of the two so she is not a fattist.
- Cowboy guy put the country singing dude he picked first against the gay Elvis Costello/Drew Carey looking dude. Hmm, I wonder what’s going to happen!?! The gay dude didn’t have a chance. The other coaches all said he won but Brokeback picked his country buddy. Now one could say it was because he didn’t get how the gay guy sang and could help the country guy more. I prefer to think he is a big homophobe gaywad and that some day Elvis Carey will come busting through his door all famous and hit him. But not in the face. The cowboy guy is handsome.
- So, finally, in the battle between Jo and Tootie, Cee Lo picked Jo. He said it was because she did a “war dance” and she was pretty animated on stage, but Tootie sang just as well. Cee Lo said he was moved by the performance which was why he picked tight pants lesbian Melissa Etheridge chick. But as the closing credits rolled Cee Lo called Tootie back out and said in her ear: “Call me, I can help you.”
Now, Cee Lo is going to ram that girl while dressed as a magnificent desert prince. But he might also help her. But the fact that the girl came out after she lost was enough to make me look twice. This show does not fuck around. They don’t talk to the losers. They don’t get reactions, they don’t do shit. The skinnier of the two black chicks, wimpy Michael Rooker and Elvis Carey all walked off without anyone even looking at them. That’s the kind of show I like.
Like when on Jeopardy when if you don’t make it into final jeopardy they take your husband or wife’s eye out and wear it as a necklace. That’s a game! But The Voice is a good goddamn show. And, in case I have not made it clear: I don’t give a shit about singing. So it must be good. This is the equivalent of me watching Fried Green Tomatoes while Stella Gets Her Groove Back with Some Steel Magnoilas. Or something.