The Voice in 45 Bullet Points

All bullet points.  Get some!

• White Baldy gets saved by America.
• Black Baldy gets saved by Christina.
• The Voice hates hair.
• Cee Lo made the Piglet Twins sing: Boogie Woogie Bugle We’re Gonna Lose of Company B.
• They were dressed like the things they put on the ends of turkey legs in cartoons.
• Adam Levine’s player (Hillbilly Runaway)sang that One Hit Wonder song: Black Horse and Cherry Tree.
• There were dudes playing white buckets like drums.  Why?  They didn’t have any black buckets?
• Overall, she sounded like middle of the road karaoke and her Mylie Cyrusish face didn’t help.  She’s gonna lose.
• Xtina actually criticized her and was dead on.  The chick was overpowered by the backup singers.
• La Lesbiana sang Jolene by Dolly Parton.
• Do you think Dolly Parton took a bunch of naked pictures of herself to be released after she dies?
• If I were her I would release them NOW.
• She wasn’t as…fiery as she was in the battle round.
• Jolene seems like she was pretty hot.  Maybe that’s why you don’t meet a lot of Jolenes.
• She  picked the song herself and Cee Lo didn’t overrule her.  I don’t know why I think that’s interesting but I do.
• Adam’s player Poindexter is all…wimpy and nervous.
• I have no idea what song he’s singing.
• He could wear 100 leather jackets and stab a guy on the stage and he would still be a Poindexter.
• Xtina looks hot tonight.  Last week she looked like a lazy-eyed drunk.
• What does “pitchy” mean?  Anyone?
• Cee Lo said: “If everybody’s thinking the same then someone’s not thinking.”  He still looks like Charles Barkley and his saying makes no sense.  What if there are three people and they are all looking at delicious cheeseburgers?
• He’s got a big ‘fro for the group song.  Half the people on his team suck.  Sasquatch and La Lesbiana are the only good ones.
• The dark haired Piglet Twin isn’t bad.  The blonde one looks like she ate Leann Rimes.
• Before the break when they did the “Social Media” room, Shrek said: “I’m waiting for the legal Thompson sister.”
• The Thompson Sisters are the Piglet Twins.  Shrek is gross.
• Sasquatch is wearing a ridiculous hat.
• He looks like he should be one of the Black Widows from Every Which Way But Loose.
• I think he just said: “I got a fever, right on the balls.”
• If he did say that I hope he wins.
• Shrek is singing some Jesus song because his mom died.  Downer.
• Are there any songs to Buddha?
• I can’t hear him.  This does not bother me.
• Adam Levine’s team did their group song with a choir.  If they need a choir it’s not a good sign.
• Cee Lo’s cowboy dude sang Addicted to Love.  Now I will list some things I would rather hear than that song again.
• Me pulling my dick out of a box of glass.
• My mother bitch that I don’t call her.
• The hot chicks from the Addicted to Lovevideo telling me they want me.  But the present day versions of them.
• A doctor tell me: “We’ll have to exploderate your nutsack.  Please lean over; we can’t wait for anesthetic.”
• Cowboy guy sucks.
• Sideways Hat Guy went to High School with JW.
• He’s singing Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
• If they start showing pics of fucked up dogs and cats like that commercial and make me cry I’m walking! And I’m not fuckin’ linking it either.
• That dude is gonna win.  Well, unless all he does is sing songs perfectly suited for him and blow the shit out of the water.  Wait, that IS what he will do and he’s gonna win.
• America Saved Summer Glau.
• Blake Shelton saved Whisper.  She’s like, 15.  Pedo.

So that’s it.  I’ll leave it with Whisper from last week.  And if you leer at her you are going to jail.  Freaks.