oreos lemonSo on our podcast the other day we discussed Oreos (did you know Hydrox were made first, and Oreo is the copycat?) and Acadia’s ignorance of the completely disgusting array of imposters that Nabisco has foisted upon the public over the last 5 years or so. He didn’t believe me that there was a “lemon” variety, for instance. But that’s just the beginning of the horrors, my friends.

Here is what I found when I went to the grocery store last night after my run – see photos for proof.

Birthday Cake (chocolate)
Birthday Cake (golden)
“Heads or Tails” – half Golden half classic Chocolate
Peanut Butter
Cinnamon Roll
Red Velvet
Mint Thins
Mint Fudge Covered

oreo varieties

Here is a list of the kinds that were not currently in stock at my local grocery store but yes, they exist. (See the Oreos site for confirmation.)

Chocolate Creme
Cookie Dough
Marshmallow Crispy

And others, which aren’t on the site right now but have been in stores in recent times:

Banana Split
Rainbow Shure, Bert!
Berry Burst Ice Cream

I’m not even worrying about most of the stupid varieties they have like ice cream cones that are classic Oreo flavor or super tiny packages of mini Oreos that are only 100 calories or other things like that. I’m just talking about full size cookies.

Let me tell you something. There is one kind of Oreo that is acceptable – Classic. And there is a questionable allowance for “Double Stuf” (cool purposeful misspelling, guys). And that’s it. No “golden”, no flavored “cremes”. Just, no. NOPE. NOPE TRAIN TO NOPEVILLE.