Drunk Giada has offered her help. Not sure what that will do.
Emeril. Gordon Ramsay. Wok with Yan. Wolfgang Puck. Rachel Ray. Chef Boyardee. All names you know. But who is the best one? Are the people from Top Chef Masters the best ones? Is the bald dude from Top Chef (the host guy) the best? How do you measure? How many cooking shows are there now? I think I saw one the other night called: Whore Cakes! I would watch a show about a bakery/brothel. Wouldn’t you?
But I digress. As I have been bitching about for like a year, I think there needs to be some sort of objective ranking system to figure out who is the best. And since none of the fuckos on the gallery staff want to help me, I am appealing to you. Here is what I have so far.
- The points need to go per year and career (like baseball).
- Michelin stars need to count for points (thus fucking Rachel Ray).
- James Beard Awards need to count for points (more fucking of Rachel Ray).
- Number of hours on TV total (judge or host) needs to count for points (Rachel Ray fucks back).
- Millions of Cookbooks sold (Rachel Ray just sat on your face).
See, it needs to be the total package. I think the cooking awards and the restaurant stars need to weigh more than TV and cookbooks, but some French asshole that nobody has ever heard of (except other chefs) has to be balanced out with Julia Child, who was on TV for 165 years. So as you can see, this is daunting. I have a spreadsheet, but in column A it just says “Big Tits” and then in cell B1 is says “Nigella Lawson” and in B2 it says poopburgers. So I need some help. Once we get the pattern down, I can hire some Indian dudes to find all the info.
Yeah, I’m outsourcing jobs. Do YOU want to do it? Didn’t think so. Now get helping! Also, Patent Pending. Fuckers. Don’t steal my idea. Annnnnd go!
P.S. – are the Iron Chefs shit or good?
I see that Iron Chef Morimoto is going to have to cut a bitch.
I was just thinking the other day that there seems to be way too many of these chefs! They seem to be coming out of the woodwork. I personally don’t enjoy cooking that much so I don’t see why people are so into all these shows. Have a great day!
I’m going to do this. You had better get on the bandwagon now.
I need to watch Nigella with the sound off. Every time she speaks it’s like she’s trying to recite poetry or something. 🙁
I still say this is the stuff of genius, and if you don’t do it… there will be blood.