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This feels like an audition for TNT…

this dude looks more than slightly irritated that you won't stop driving in his direction clearly he wants you to fuckin' work the brakes.

this dude looks more than slightly irritated that you won't stop driving in his direction clearly he wants you to fuckin' work the brakes.

Thursday night can’t slip mediocre TV past the Gallery.

Last week Acadia got a little roundtable going for Harper’s Island, a show I’m going to assume is mediocre and never watch. So this week, I figured, why not load up the table for another mediocre new show: NBCs Southland.

Now, I don’t have quite the same budget as Acadia does. That man is rich enough that he can make declarations like FREE CHALUPA if a post gets 100 comments. I’m rich enough where I’m going to try and get 100 comments in a post so I can get a free chalupa. So, it’s not quite a roundtable so much as a cheap square folding table.

However, I’ve got connections to bring in some celebrity guests for this Roundtable. First up, JUDGE REINHOLD! will be here. Yes, the actor from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Beverly Hills Cop is here. You wonder how this connection worked out? Well, in this racket if your fake internet writing name is a character from Beverly Hills Cop, you suddenly have some pull with the actors from that movie. Not, you know, Axel, obviously. Or Taggart. But, we were real close on getting Inspector Todd who I wanted to come in here and just get his ass chewed out by another guest then I would prop up my ego and hit him with: “The Chief ain’t chew it all out. You still got a little ass there.”

Oh and we definitely could have gotten Tandino, but, really, what would be the point?

Now, you know we have Judge Reinhold here. Mentioned that. Our next guest starred in Higher Learning with Regina King, who is one of the stars of Southland…ladies and gentlemen…Paul Kropfl!

Kropfl, welcome to the roundtable.

Paul Kropfl: Good to be here.

Now, it says in the notes here that you played a frat member in Higher Learning and then not much else, correct?

Kropfl: Absolutely, I did a couple roles in some Huck Finn remakes, but got out of acting.

What was that scene like where Regina King brought Ice Cube and Busta Rhymes to the frat and they were about to beat the shit out of you and your frat brothers?

Kropfl: A bit terrifying, really.

Exactly.

Now, let’s be honest, the reason why Paul Kropfl is here is because we figure, hey, this dude might google his name occasionally to relive his glory days in the motion pictures. Now, we want that site visit. Don’t look at it so much as desperation, but as great site promotion.

Our next guest has some history with Los Angeles crime detective shows. Folks, we got VIC MACKEY!…

…’s ex-castmate Patrick O’Connor. Who it says on IMDB he played Romero’s Lawyer on The Shield. Now, let me tell you Mr. O’Connor, I don’t remember the character.

O’Connor: Most don’t.

Gotcha. Makes sense. But, we hope that you can provide a unique perspective into the show.

O’Connor: Probably not.

Absolutely. Ok. Let’s start this off. Judge Reinhold, what did you think of the first two episodes of Southland?

Judge Reinhold: My name is Judddddggggeeee!

Paul, what do you think?

Paul Kropfl:I have to say this up front…I don’t really think Southland is all that great of a show in watching two episodes of it. It has potential.

Thanks, Paul. An actual comment about the show, did not anticipate that one. Mr. O’Connor, want to top that?

Mr. O’Connor: Of course not.

Right. So, building on what Paul said, Judge, what do you think about the depth of the characters?

Judge Reinhold: My name is Juuuudddddgggggeee!

At this point I should mention that Judge Reinhold is not actually here. See, what I did was break into the Arrested Development old prop closet and took out GOBs puppet Franklin. Now, the puppet in one episode was programmed with magazines to say this my name is judge line. Of course, when leaving, they took the puppet away from me and I was just left with these cards of Judge Reinhold saying this one line.

Stop me if I get out of hand in playing them.

Mr. O’Connor: Should not be too hard.

Do you think maybe you can do a bit of a Sean Connery thing? You and he have similar looking names.

Mr. O’Connor: Not a chance.

Alright. Kropfl, since you’re the one that seems interested in talking about the show, any more thoughts?

Paul Kropfl: Nah, I pretty much said all I felt earlier.

Excellent. Now, O’Connor I had a question for you. Most cop shows seem to struggle when blending the street cop and the downtown detective. Your show, The Shield, just said the hell with it and put them all in the same location and called it some kind of new hybrid police station. This show looks to be keeping Parker Center and the beat cops separate, how do you think that will work for them?

O’Connor: Listen, you lied about the amount of liquor that would be here. Now, you want me to answer a question that has that many words in it?

Yeah, you’re right. Probably not a good move.

Paul Kropfl: This is a show that will eventually be off the air mainly because it’s passing the bare minimum of edgy threshold (hey we got bleeped out words!), but is nowhere near edgy enough to find its way onto F/X.

Wow, that was unprompted. Thanks, Paul.

Paul Kropfl: No problem.

Mr. O’Connor: Fuck off, Paul.

Right. Now, isn’t this all a moot point because Jay Leno starts in primetime soon and this show will get canceled sometime soon?

Mr. O’Connor: Who cares?

That seems as good a note as any to end this thing.

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2 Comments

  1. Acadia

    Your round table has a lot fewer typos. 🙁

    Reply
  2. Caramoan Island ·

    if you are in an apartment that is confined, then folding tables would be very well suited for you ‘-`

    Reply

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