I know, I should burn my fingerprints off with acid for even typing those evil words. Yes, Michael Jackson was an incredibly talented, and the hip jutting dance moves he modified were obviously stolen from Elvis, but the similarities stop there… or do they?

Last week was Michael Jackson’s 52nd birthday, or it would have been, and on his birthday there were numerous WackoJacko sightings all over the world. Dancing, singing, living a secret life in Ireland–now you see where I tied in the whole Elvis thing? No? Come on, how many times have you seen Elvis in the last twenty-five years? And I’m not talking about that time Bruce Campbell played him in that Bubba Ho-Tep movie either.

Speculation about whether or not Michael Jackson is really dead has been boiling all year, and even if they opened up the tomb and took a live video camera in to show us his body, no one would actually believe it. They’d say it was a wax replica, or some other Jackson kid, ‘cos they all look alike.

I thought I saw him last week at the grocery store in Toronto, but he slipped into the freezer and disappeared. Spooky, I know.

Next week I’m planning to see him at McDonald’s. He’s going to be working there, I’ve decided.

Why do we desperately search for dead celebrities and insist they’re still alive and living some secret life? I thought I saw my dead uncle at the fair once, but no one got excited about that.

Beans runs 567 websites.  The one with the shortest URL is Pop Army.  Go Read it! — Acadia