As we all know Harambe, the 17 year old silverback gorilla was killed, and in the spirit of all things internet it is now time to pretend that we are all so much better than the mother of that 4 year old boy. Pick up your pitch forks and torches at your nearest Wifi connection, i.e. Starbucks and don’t forget to order a venti soy mocha cup of shut the hell up. Don’t forget to care more about this gorilla then a human life too. Lol America! Where were all of you all the years that Harambe was in prison? Death seems a welcome friend to a life spent in Cincinnati. Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen, nobody knows my sorrow.

I often imagine myself in different scenarios with my 4 year old daughter. I constantly have to be prepared for the next, “omg what is she doing now?” moment. If I take her to the pool I’m in the pool chair watching her and thinking, if she were to slip could I catch her before she falls? 8/10 times the answer is no – and guess what? That’s life.

Although I would like to think of myself commando rolling across the pool deck, sliding to save her just in time and “We are the Champions” playing as I hoist her up above my head to a cheering crowd, that’s just not reality.

Pitchforks