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Top Chef All Stars – Best. Show. Ever.

Elia Aboumrad - 1st one out.

OK, I was excited for Top Chef All Stars but I thought it was just because of Sweet Dee (Jennifer Carroll from Philly), Padma Lakshmi’s complete disregard for her gut and  her massive judge jugs.  But then, as I kept watching, I realized that this may end up being the greatest single reality competition season of all time.

I’m not kidding.  Look at the things this show has going for it:

  1. The contestants on Top Chef are already established chefs.  They aren’t picking people out of Waffle Houses and Mammy’s Old Time Chowder Hut.  Angelo (runner up from last season) has a Michelin Star for fuck’s sake.  And as soon as I figure out why a French tire company judges restaurants I’ll tell you.  But whatever, it’s important.
  2. I’m not a sissy.  And no matter how much I sound like one while I do these recaps, I’ll punch your face right off of your head if you even insinuate it.
  3. The first elimination challenge forced each contestant to remake the dish that got them kicked off the show the first time.  Genius.
  4. It’s set in New York.  Can’t beat that.  Unless you are looking for smiles, clean sidewalks or properly pronounced r’s New York has everything you need.
  5. Anthony Bourdain is the new 4th judge.  He’s a wicked prick.  He told Fabio (no shit, the dude’s name is Fabio) that his dish looked like an “animal that was turned inside out” and that “I kept going back to poke it to see if I really hated it as much as I thought and yes. Yes I did.  I hated it that much.”
  6. Fabio didn’t get eliminated.
  7. I already have nicknames for some of the contestants.  People like: The Hobbit (a girl), Heat Miser (Marcel), Bada Bing (Fabio) and Sweet Dee (Jennifer).  This makes up for the pain I feel for having missed The Amazing Race this season.
  8. Jennifer looks all fucked up, sort of like she has always just finished eating a bundle of sticks with lemon juice on them, so now I’m no longer convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m rooting for her.  And yeah, I was rooting for her only because she was the only straight cute girl.  But I am CHANGING my mind (maybe) so stop judging me.
  9. What a fucking ridiculously UNNECESSARY show.  They are chef’s, for fuck’s sake.  They are making me interested in food that I can neither taste or smell, and even when I see it I know I don’t want to eat some fucking fish wrapped in a tea leaf, but whatever.  The show is still good.
  10. Padma Lakshmi’s cans.

And then, to top things off, here are the judges “deliberating” before they kick Elia’s ass off the show and ripping her a new one.  So eat up!  Video and my top three after the jump!

My top three so far?

  • Angelo – fucker has a Michelin star and only lost his season cause he got the Singapore Shits
  • Iceman  – the dude that pours liquid nitrogen on everything.  He was on Iron Chef!  That has to count for something.
  • Spike – he apparently runs a pizza place.  I didn’t start watching this show til Season Four so I don’t know him but meh.  I like pizza.

Stay tuned.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

6 Comments

  1. PelvicBoogie

    1. It’s perfectly OK to just watch for Padma’s cans. She got better pontoons than a party barge. No need to pretend you actually like the show.

    2. Have you seen the Michelin Man? He’s got more rolls than Royce. Connect the dots. Duh.

    Reply
  2. sangfroid

    When do they make Giga Pudding? They’d make Giga Pudding on Iron Chef.

    Reply
  3. vange

    I’m not sure how I feel about the shoes in the pic.

    Reply
  4. The Fitness Diva

    Wow… look at Elia trying to do the “sexy” thing. When did she get sexy? Back during the season she was in, she was just like another one of the boys, imo (although a much softer, gentler boy). Seems like every chick has to try to play the sexy card to get some press. ha!
    funny!

    Reply
    • Acadia

      You seem to be in the know. I need you to tell me more about people from past seasons!

      Reply
  5. joelle

    I knew that Elia would be kicked off! They were focusing on her a little bit too much.

    Reply

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