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Top Chef All Stars – Listen All Y’all

I realized tonight after turning off Top Chef that no matter what the profession, there are always idiots.  And tonight, an idiot was sent packing.  Oh and also seriously who dresses Padma Lakshmi?  It’s like two little kids got sent to T.J. Maxx and told to “dress like a grown up”.  It’s frigging impossible to believe that modeling requires any type of fashion knowledge when she, who was a model, bumbles around like a 6 foot tall impossibly hot box full of yard sale clothes and a jangly necklace.  It’s frigging distracting.  The bald dude dresses better than her.

Anyway – back to chefs being idiots.  If you are a fan of Top Chef then you know that Angelo is a sneaky, conniving, dastardly bastard.  And he was on the season that JUST ended.  And, as I have said before,  he is the only guy on the show that already has a Michelin star restaurant.  Would you trust a millionaire who applies to be on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire“?  No you would not.  So why do they let this slippery shithead “help” them?

The elimination challenge was very clever this week and it went down like this:

  • Divide the chefs into four teams.
  • Each chef makes their own dish.
  • Each team decides who goes up to be judged in which order.
  • One chef from each team goes up at a time against each other and one of the two wins the round and gets a point.
  • First team to get four points wins.
  • The four chefs from the winning teams who got points compete for the challenge win.
  • The four chefs who lost those rounds are up for elimination and one goes home.

After the jump – treachery and that fucking little fucking Hobbit needs to DIE!

Ok, so maybe I played that up a little bit before the jump.  I don’t think I want her dead.  I just want her to cook something.  And the people who edit the show know I want that, cause they are editing things to make her look like whiny douche.  See, a few episodes back she cut her finger, went to the hospital, didn’t cook and didn’t get eliminated.

This week, Carla cut her finger and DIDN’T go to the hospital and ended up winning the challenge.  But not Jamie the fucking Hobbit.  She didn’t even have her food tasted.  She just kept bitching that her beans weren’t done and everyone else on her team just stuck their thumbs up their asses and let her keep cookin’ ’em!

Which brings me to evil Angelo.  Now, the motherfucker is a good cook, I guess.  So he won his match.  Sooo read the rules up above again.  After he won his point, there was no way he could get eliminated even if his team lost.  So.  What did he do?

  1. Tre (who had immunity) allowed Angelo to cook the main part of his dish for him (the salmon).  The judges hated the salmon and it was actually overcooked.
  2. Spike (who didn’t have immunity) let Angelo put some of his…Angelo Spooge on his dish right before he brought his plates to the judges.  The Spooge was sweet.

Spike lost and he got eliminated.  He got eliminated because his dish was not salty enough.  Now, I’m not saying that Angelo fucked Spike over.  Spike fucked himself over by letting Angelo, who clearly wanted to fuck him over, spooge on his dish, thus fucking him over.

Sorry Spike.  Next time, don’t let anyone mess with your shit.  If you are gonna lose, don’t lose because some dick who knew he was safe touched your food.  Lose because you made fun of Padma’s clothes.

About The Author

Acadia Einstein

I'm the funny one. And the handsome one. And I pay for everything.

5 Comments

  1. vange

    Would you trust a millionaire who applies to be on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire“? No you would not.

    This made me laugh. Like a male gynecologist.

    Reply
  2. Julie From Momspective

    This is the reason I refuse to watch reality TV.

    Reply
    • Acadia

      My recap? THAT’S MEAN!

      Reply
  3. Kenny

    You ever take a jelly donut, squeeze out all of the jelly, and then fill it back up with chocolate swirl ice cream? I think they should focus a show on that.

    Reply
    • Acadia

      Nobody squeezes donuts. Nobody.

      Reply

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