I have a lot of fessing up to do.  I didn’t really pay any attention to this episode because I was busy doing real work.  If you fuckers would give me money I could quit my regular job but you never ever do.

That said, watching the episode out of the corner of my eye made me hat Bravo worse than usual.  They teased Padma in a bikini for TWO weeks in a row.  She was standing next to a boat.  I looked up during the episode and there she was.  And then she wasn’t.  And that was it.  The whole time she was in the bikini was ON THE COMMERCIAL.  I expected her to be doing some kind of inappropriate bending or sweaty Bahamian jumping jacks.  But nope.  Nothing.  Made me want to figure out which of those housewife shows had the one chick I thought was hot on it and watch that instead.

Since they are now fucking around with the judging, I will take a couple minutes to let you know what I would do to spice up the show:

  • Bahamian Jumping Jacks
  • Make the judges cook something.  Then the contestants have to take the leftovers and make something else, and feed it back to the judges.  If the judges know it was theirs, you are out.
  • Less cooking.
  • If you win the quick fire AND the main challenge in the same week, you can skip the following week.
  • Every week you don’t win anything, they take away one of your knives.  Or shirts.  Or something.  They fucking need to penalize these losers.
  • Have each challenge in another state and make them drive around to each one.  It would be like a travel/cooking/cannonball run type thing.
  • Send them to a prison and have them cook for the inmates and whoever loses the quickfire gets shanked.
  • Get rid of Gayle Simmons.  She’s useless!

OK, now after the jump – WHO LOST!

The loser is!

Tiffany.  Well, she almost made it all the way to the end without winning anything.  But she didn’t.  So she’s just in the same batch with every other fool who didn’t win.  Next time – don’t serve cold soup!  And don’t…never win anything.  You didn’t deserve to be in the finals.  I’m sorry.  Padma’s boobs.