“I had to run my finger through that congealed sauce.” –Padma Lakshmi
Why did I include that quote? Because it was the best part of this episode, and it wasn’t even IN the episode. It’s from the “extra extended judges table video” that I am lamely posting because the whole fucking episode was lamer than the ‘cuisine’ in my house when I was growing up. My Irish grandmother used to make the most heartwarming dinners of “stuff she boiled” or, for breakfast “french toast that may also have been boiled”. So when the contestants went to Ellis Island and got all misty about their immigrant blah blah blah it just pissed me off.
“My ancestors came from Ireland and all I got was a tendency to drink and sneer” is what my novelty T-shirt would say if I had one. I realize I should embrace my heritage but I honestly don’t give a shit when stupid cooking show contestants get all fucking teary eyed about the hard times their ancestors had and then they go punch a Mexican and make him be a bus boy in their restaurant. I bet when they were figuring out who should be on this series they thought of the Ellis Island challenge and immediately stopped considering all American Indian chefs. Probably because there are none. How much corn (excuse me, maize) can someone eat? Anyway, now they we know you and Bravo are racist I can reveal the following:
- Nobody got eliminated (lame)
- The video below has Padma saying ‘congealed’ which will really help fill out my ‘famous people saying congealed’ sound board
- Next week Padma is going to be in a bikini in the Bahamas so I might not be able to do a recap cuz I’ll be flying to the Bahamas believing she is still there. I’m bad at time.
- After the jump I answer the question: does Tom Colicchio lean over and squeeze out farts at Gayle during the judging!
Tom: Squeeeeeeeak
I hate Richard so much. And how Tiffany has managed to make it this far in the season without winning any challenges is beyond me. Beaumont needs to go.
Well, now we know why Dale went home. Can’t have two people from the same season go up against that seasons winner. I agree w/Joelle. If I see beaumont’s tonsils one more time I’m going to wretch. And her louder than loud voice!! uhg! And Carla has bugged me from the beginning. She’s like a living Picasso, and frankly, I saw enough of her bizarreness in her original season to last several lifetimes. Richard hasn’t aged well. When speaking, his mouth resembles a largemouth bass. I hope this season comes down to the cousins.
You are just soooooo demented. I hope you do get on a plane and go looking for Padma in the Bahamas. Tweet us with minute by minute Twitter updates on that one, will ya? Can’t wait! 😉
Yes, kind of lame that they wimped out, didn’t eliminate ANYBODY and are now doing a “final five”. But hey, everybody still gets to dream for yet one more week. Keep hope alive, and all that. BTW, I would not have eaten ANY of that crap they made on that Ellis Island ferry quickfire challenge. Yuck! That “cheese soup” Mike made was pure vomit, and omg, he’s related to Antonia now! How the hell does that happen in one episode???
Anyway, I can’t wait to see what pans out for next week’s finale(?). Should be fun!