Twenty Movies for 2018
You may know that I spend a lot of time gambling. Atlantic City, Vegas, floating crap games, Online Sport Betting Sites , a Secret Indian Casino You’ve Never Heard Of, I play them all! And one of my favorite things to bet on is pure nonsense that will take forever to determine. I bet on the Oscars before the other Oscars are over. And I bet on the biggest box office of the year as fast as I can.
So, I know January is already over, but I don’t count that as a movie month because from now on it will just be where they dump things that can’t beat Jumanji. So let’s see what’s what starting at the bottom and working our way up!
I am not including Venom on the list because I don’t know where to put it. Ugh, I am going to regret this!
20 – Hellboy
I am including this because I loooove Milla Jovovich (and she loves me, look I have video proof!) and I am interested in whether or not the sheriff from Stranger Things can do anything else.
19 – Mary Poppins Returns
Gonna be honest – I don’t think most people who go to the movies now know who she is or that she went anywhere. But I don’t know very much about kid’s movies, so I will throw it in here just in case.
18 – The Predator
Another reboot I don’t think is going to have the legs they want it to have. I don’t see Predator as a franchise unless they make it that he keeps going to different places on Earth. I would watch Predator fight ISIS or a grammar school. That would be awesome. If he fights a grammar school I’ma edit this and put it higher.
17 – Winchester
Crazy lady, crazy house. What’s not to like?
16 – Game Night
I honestly don’t have super high hopes for this, but I like Jason Bateman so much that SOMETHING has to hit for him. You know? Doesn’t it?
15 – X-Men: Dark Phoenix
Sony is losing X-Men but Sophie Turner is pretty. That = #15
14 – Maze Runner: The Death Cure
The Death Cure is a stupid name. Plus, I didn’t see the other ones, so I don’t even know if they ever got out of the maze in the first one. But the teenagers like their dystopias!
13 – Ant-Man and the Wasp
I loved the first one and I want Evangeline Lilly to do well. She is like Jason Bateman. Maybe I should make a movie with them both in it!
12 – Insidious: The Last Key
I liked all the other ones and horror is big these days.
11 – Black Panther
I want this to be a top 10 but, since it is being released in America, I am afraid it won’t be. But dammit, I want it to be. So I also reserve the right for it to be any place between 11 and 1 and I will still count as being right.
10 – Tomb Raider
9 – Mission: Impossible – Fallout
THIS IS WHERE VENOM SHOULD BE BUT, FOR SOME REASON, PEOPLE LOVE TOM CRUISE!
8 – Pacific Rim Uprising
This is the movie that messed up Justice League: Dark and for that I hate it.
7 – Aquaman
This better be awesome or people will forget about being mad at Trump and attack Warner Brothers.
6 – Solo: A Star Wars Story
I think this will suck, but it is Disney and Star Wars, so 6th best movie of the year is sucky in their world. They are like the Yankees of movies now. Ugh.
5 – Ready Player One
This might actually be bigger than this. I am putting it here because I am afraid some people my age won’t get it. But I hope it does well.
4 – Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
I wish Predator would kill all the dinosaurs and have that be the last frigging Jurassic Park movie.
3 – Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
I didn’t look up how much the last one made, but the new one has Johnny Depp, so that’s good, right? Ugh, I am bad at this. But this is another movie I would like to see Predator show up in. Heh.
2 – Incredibles 2
If this was any other year, this would be number one. There better be a misplaced super suit!
1 – Avengers: Infinity War
Derh – unless this sucks on a Fantastic Four level, it will be the biggest movie of the year!
That’s it. Hopefully everyone forgets this by the end of the year so I don’t get too embarrassed.