Everyone I know hates the winter holiday season. Long lines, no parking, traffic jams, empty shelves, better hope your immune system can battle the multitude of germs radiating from every public surface, is that another cheery version of Deck the Halls by some punk band, what is everyone’s preoccupation with snow and please, quit bringing in leftover holiday party food to work, I’ve gained 5 lbs. just this week and its 9am on Monday morning.

Rage not however, because someone wished you a Happy Yule and you just so happen to believe some virgin-birthed, savior-baby in a manger, surrounded by schizophrenics bearing spices story. You should be delighted anyone bothered to acknowledge your presence in the first place. The last time I took a random sight poll, I found a startling lack of people wearing Scarlet Letters on their chests. Pretty sure we did away with the Star of David identifiers at some point too. In fact, the only people I can easily identify in society are the incarcerated because they are most often sporting bright orange; it is obvious they’ve already made someone’s Naughty list, no need to rub it in with rosy cheeked pleasantries.

No one cares what you believe unless it is the overwhelming urge to release rabid badgers in a crowded mall (contact Site Administrator for authors personal email).
After the jump: My Proposal:

Christmas, Hanukkah, Nothing, Kwanzaa, (Everything Else), and Yule.

It’s CHNKEY (pronounced Chunky). A greeting ; a salutation. No need for the preceding “Happy” or “Merry” because it isn’t a wish but an acknowledgment.
Just STFU, nod, voice “Chnkey” and be on with it.
Chnkey. Yup, eggnog flavored everything, buddy. Chnkey. Three-mile hike just to sit in this over-crowded restaurant with people we don’t know because of our spouses. Chnkey. This Chipmunk music makes me want to kill babies too, hope you make it another week, it’s almost the New Year. That is, of course, unless you’re Chinese.

Filed under: Holiday, Unconditional Shove