It’s Valentine’s day and you don’t have a date? Don’t worry; the Superficial Gallery is here to help correct your solitary existence. Relationships still need work but we’re going to help by weeding out the ten biggest mistakes made by the lovelorn.
Don’t date the clown – If you’re being made the butt of jokes to entertain everyone else take off the red nose. You want a partner, not to be a sidekick in a permanent vaudeville routine.
Don’t date a relationship junkie – The ring has been picked out and you met the parents on the first date. Take some time to know who you’re in love with before picking out the retirement home you’re going to both spend your golden years in.
Don’t date for instant love – One night stands can be fun but it’s like eating only dessert if you’re indulging yourself too much.
Don’t date the mirror gazer – If you’re being matched as an accessory to your date let them find another more color coordinated person to hang around with.
Don’t date Velcro – If your phone has so many messages on it the buffer is full and there’s a whole shelf of your photos in a shrine it’s time to worry that Jody Foster was the first choice and start looking for a copy of Catcher in the Rye.
Don’t date a ten year old – No, not a chronological ten year old, a grownup that never grew up inside. If it feels like you’re sitting at the lunch table in high school and they’re telling fart jokes, it’s time date someone your own mental age.
Don’t date the slacker – No job, no goals, your best date was the beer run and the bong is a work of art. It’s just a great place to score weed not a potential date.
Don’t date your boss – What are you crazy? Dating any kind of authority figure can bring serious consequences. Do you really want that kind of reputation? What are you supposed to do if you want to break up and he or she doesn’t?
Don’t date anyone married – Three people in a relationship is one too many even when it’s one of those kinky relationships that is about three people in a relationship.
Don’t date your best friend’s ex – The grass might be greener on the other side of the fence but take a second to think about why they broke up before you blow a friendship and jump in with both feet.
My final advice is don’t date Paul Krueger. He’s not a millionaire; he’s homeless. Somehow this guy managed to swindle $100,000 out of women claiming to be a Grammy-nominated record producer.